Sunday, January 31, 2010 @ 10:45 PM
I simply don't understand why.. I dont understand how I can do this... it's like I want and I don't want, like I yearn and i disgust! just another roller coaster or just another feeling of mine.. 6th sense? narh.. it's different..
**i shall end here.. i'm getting tired**
p/s: i wish i could tell you but it's just not time.. but somehow i feel that you know and may be, just may be you are doubting just a little bit.
Labels: contradictions
Saturday, January 30, 2010 @ 8:25 AM
i was just looking back in the year 2009.. and i saw my target for O levels.. well.. compared to what i have... ...
BIG difference.. plus i have changed my mind about the courses.. i started out wanting to become a doctor, then i wanted to specialize in medical research, later on i thought of being a lawyer so i was contemplating... JC or poly.. after that, i read about pharmaceutical science.. -.- darn... cause' doctor, researcher, pharmacist, the difference is big! just imgaine all these changes happened in 2009, not over the years.. in merely a few months. ohwell.. at least now i'm happy with pharmaceutical sciences at RP.. (:
justtellmewhyikeptseeingyou,tellmewhyyou'reback,whenyou'rereadypleaseexplainwhydidyoudothat
i know what i heard, i know what i saw, but i dont know what i felt. a somewhat neutral and yet bitter kind of feeling, confused yet sure of what i want.. all because of your artificial presence. i dont wanna go back to where i was a year ago.. somehow after we took different paths at the junction i lost myself along that road.. hoping my soul will find me before it finds the 'light' ... thereafter, i found a newer, happier me but somewhat cocky.. i'm happy with that though.. all i wanna know is why..
isimplydontunderstandwhyyouhadtodothat,allthoselies,althoughyoumeannothingtomeistillwannaknow
~sayonnara~Labels: finding where i lost myself
Wednesday, January 27, 2010 @ 10:41 AM
yay!!! yippie eie yeah! (: I am going to Republic Poly, taking Pharmaceutical science! (: gosh! (: i'm gonna love it!
~sayonnara~
Labels: counting down 82 days
Tuesday, January 26, 2010 @ 9:40 AM
i've never felt like that in a long time.. or may be i've never felt like that before.. for the first couple of months i managed to kept it from the world.. then came that day when i wanted to let the cat out of the bag but i didnt let it out to you.. continue trying to let it out to you, but whenever i try to, i re-think and told myself "no" . this little thing has been going on for several months now.. within this period i've felt all kinds of emotions.. i struggled to know where i really stand.. and now i do know.. i wanna let you know so bad, but i'm just afraid that things might change for the worse.. i wanna keep this thing called friendship we have, but i'm too afraid to lose it.. at times i wonder if you're guessing on your own.. does my actions affect you, does my actions attract your attention? this thing i feel here, i've felt it before, but this time it's different, i know. the last time i felt it, i was immature.. i was irrational.. i was stupid.. but i kept that friendship.. i know it's not time yet cause' it's too early in the year.. i'm expecting drastic changes.. anyways... thats it i suppose..
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
oh gosh! yesterday was a great day! i finally feel that i've pass the screw up period.. so yesterday.. daddy and i left for Jln Riang at 10.30am and reached there by 10.50am.. help Uncle Pat deliver goods to 6 places.. delivery ended at 2.30pm.. gosh.. daddy and i haven't eaten anything since morning.. planned to have lunch but then we had to collect a wooden plank for the house and a last minute delivery to woodlands.. by the time we finished it was already 4.40pm.. reached home with dinner for my sis and nanny at 5.30pm and left home with my dad and bro for dinner.. gosh! i haven't felt that hungry in a long time! the last time i remembered was when............................ .........when......... during O level intensive studies.. gosh.. well.. thats about it..
~sayonnara~
p/s: i cant wait to know where i'll b posted to!
Labels: i havent felt like this in a long time for so long...
Tuesday, January 19, 2010 @ 9:28 PM
if given the appropriate time and a chance to really talk to you, i would probably tell you the truth, as it is now, i cant. i doubt that you even know what is happening though.. and even if you guess so, i also doubt that you would ask me for my answer.. i've never really gave a big hint ever since i was.... lets just say 'not wanted as the category' .. and thereafter i don't drop any huge hints anymore.. a kind of fear probably.. but then again it seemed like you were also... ... even if so, how was i supposed to know for sure? there were so many fears going on on my mind then... but it has been so long since then... now that i've known you better, and i'm still getting to know you more.. and somehow, a part of me is telling me not to... telling me that what if my judgement is wrong again.. should i take the risk? should i continue going forward? test the water or will i be playing with fire? but i cant ask you all this... i dont want to know your answer cause you may not know.. anyways.. apart from that, i'll be returning to AES tomorrow.. (: gonna give out CNY samples to the teachers.. ohyes, in case anyone wants to know the cakes and CNY treats that i'm selling they're halal certified, so, no worries.. (:
~sayonnara~
Saturday, January 16, 2010 @ 6:45 PM
sometimes the simpliest of things would be sufficient to paint a smile on your face, sometimes all it takes is a single person to be there, sometimes all you want to simply drift into dreamland and have the time of your life. all it takes to put a smile on your face.. and when it happens you seem to be unable to wipe it off your face.. and all you want to do is sit down facing the window and begin smiling at yourself.. even if it's for absolutely nothing.. i haven't felt like this in a long long long time.. i hardly smile ever since.... God-knows-when... i absolutely love this sanguine feeling of mine.. it's like reading Heidi all over again, but better.. and it was only yesterday when i felt just the same as every other day.. no smiles, no daydreaming, no happy feeling for absolutely no apparent reason.. but it's all different now.. (: (: (: oh gosh.. i hope this lasts.. but regardless, i'm gonna enjoy everybit of my joy! (:
-------------------------------------------------------------------
alright... counting down:
5days till Jocelyn's birthday
11-13days till the release of posting results.
11days till Junpeng's birthday
69 days till my birthday! yay! (:
about posting. sigh.. i really hope that i can get my first choice, which is pharmaceutical science at RP.. urgh.. whatever other people say.. that RP isnt good or anything.. doesnt matter at this point.. all i want is to do well and then move on to NUS! (:
thats all for now.. (:
~sayonnara~Labels: this ounce of courage is not gonna drop from the sky
Thursday, January 14, 2010 @ 5:55 PM
i changed my hairstyle and i'm satisfied with it.. cause i wanted a whole new look.. (: hehes.. so here it is.. (:
Wednesday, January 13, 2010 @ 11:54 AM
hello everybody! (: so.. CNY is just around the corner, if any of you is planning to buy CNY treats for your guest please visit :
http://www.yummiliciouscakes.blogspot.com/ the prices are stated there. (:
sigh.. now i can say that 5 years of secondary life is finally over and we're all moving onto the next phase of life.. i'm definitely gonna miss all my friends.. i'm gonna miss all the good times we had.. so.. i have another add on to my New Year's Resolutions.. Other than being more sociable and staying sanguine, i want to make the best effort to keep my friends.. All of them, be it from primary school, secondary school, PLTC camp, WOS, or even church.. I amazed myself by making new friends last year with He An and Sean. this once in a blue moon kind of thing don't come around so often.. so i'm gonna make it happen! (: salvaging friendships before they're beyond repair, re-bond with old friends whom i was close with nearly a million years ago and making new friends.. (: i want to keep the friendship i share with so many people now.. and i've already told some of them that we HAVE TO make time to have at least a lunch.. (: 2010 is definitely going to be exciting! (:
~sayonnara~
p/s: certain things are more fragile than it looks
Labels: i'm still unable to find that ounce of courage
Tuesday, January 12, 2010 @ 7:11 PM
hello everybody! (: hmm.. my O level results? narh. not as expected, worse than expected actually, but then i've gotta make the best out of what i have and get the best out of it.. (: i will update my posting status.. (: so.. i wasn't as tense as i was during the release of my N level results.. so yea, i kind of expected that i would be half a goner.. oh well.. at least i can qualify for RP.. last resort though, but at least i can use my last resort. (: and there are courses that i like.. yay! (:
the thing i'd miss most would be my friends.. well.. i feel so stretched.. cause i have friends all over.. at RP, SP and NP.. and i missed them so much.. anyways.. i shall and i will make time for my friends.. actually, i'm happy, i managed to salvage a friendship dispite the rumors, and i managed to re-make friends.. (: this year will definitely be a better year.. i can feel it! (:
~sayonnara~Labels: just you watch and see
Friday, January 8, 2010 @ 2:39 PM
went to republic poly today.. (: it was fruitful in a sense that i got to see the friends whom i miss so very much! and the person i miss most was there! arh!!! so happy to see her..
(: left home at around 11.15am and took a train down to woodlands then too 169 to RP.. reached there and hunted down Rina! haha.. almost got lost but didn't thanks to the sign boards put up.. (: took a breath of relief when i saw Rina! (: talked to her for little while then went to walk around.. walked to the school of engineering first, before even going in i saw this girl.. so familar!!! then she saw me and "arh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omgg!!!!!!!!" Amira!!! haha.. (: my primary school besty and phone buddy!!!!! i miss her so much... (: then after that i called Jinfang down to accompany me!! (: then while we were talking Sandy popped in and exclaimed "what are you doing here?!!!" narh, she wasn't angry, just shocked!.. after my tour i left.. and now i'm back home.. contemplating the next step i should take after results release on monday... sigh.. i can feel my heart in my throat already!!! well... more updates after i collect my results...
~sayonnara~
Monday, January 4, 2010 @ 9:45 PM
ohyea! i'm heading down to AES tomorrow! (: i miss my juniors so much already! haha.. but then again, not as much as my friends.. i've been feeling so useless these few days.. like i'm a good-for-nothing piece of trash at home... sigh. what to do? ...
bulid up self esteem lor..~ anyways.. np and sp's open house is nearing and i'm going.. hehes.. (: anyways.. today............. i went to the dentist to finish up my crowning... yay! finally! (: amazing how 1 tooth can make me go to the dentist several times, sitting there idle for hours and not to mention the money spent! apart from that....
results!!!! argh!!!!!! the anticipation is killing me man!
today i've learnt that life is fragile in many ways.. in terms of family, friendship, health and in a general form.. i've learnt where a single word can make a HUGE difference, and a small action can cause a person to change their mood.. today, here, on my blog.. i'm gonna tell you my new year's resolution.. open up to people easily and be more sociable, to be easily engaged in a new group ans stop being withdrawn... as simple as that... but most of all, stay optimistic! hehes (:
alright, i'm gonna have to end here... i dont wanna get stuck and then post a load of rubbish! (:
Labels: the fragility of life itself
Saturday, January 2, 2010 @ 10:17 PM
feeling all grown up all of a sudden, feel as though it's time for me to pay... i feel like i've not done enough, and yet, previously i felt i've done so much more.. may be i was wrong.. i don't know when this happened, i don't know how this happened... but i know it happened, gradually getting my attention.. things used to be so easy, things used to be so straight forward... the complication accumulating, the formulas fading.. i don't know what to do anymore.. but i know that everything will fall into place and all i have to do i trust the Lord..
2010 feels so weird all of a sudden, like an anticipation eating me alive and i wanna get out of it.. but it seems sl thrilling too! the new things that i'm gonna face, but i'm positive that my 18th year will be great, even better than my 17th year... (: alright, today.. nothing much actually.. i've ran out of things to say, not to mention how mundane my diary is... gosh...
apart from that, i'm so excited about the release of my O level results! argh... but.. yes, but! but, i'm also afraid... sigh. ohwell... i should be returning to AES between the 2nd-4th day of sch... (:
i shall end here (:
~all the best to all of you in this year to come!~
Labels: tell me what to do cause i dont wanna record this on paper
Friday, January 1, 2010 @ 10:46 AM
HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2010 is finally here! a new year with new beginnings and endings, new challanges with more obstacles and with victories, that goes without saying.. (:
i can't wait for so many things!
i can't wait to collect my results, i can't wait to know which school i'll be posted to, i can't wait for my 18th birthday, i can't wait to return to sec sch to visit my juniors and teachers! (: i'm kind of anticipating things... i personally feel that my 2010 will be better than my suckish love-hate 2009.. i'm glad i can move on to new things, and start new beginnings..
~sayonnara~Labels: new beginnings
Sunday, January 31, 2010 @ 10:45 PM
I simply don't understand why.. I dont understand how I can do this... it's like I want and I don't want, like I yearn and i disgust! just another roller coaster or just another feeling of mine.. 6th sense? narh.. it's different..
**i shall end here.. i'm getting tired**
p/s: i wish i could tell you but it's just not time.. but somehow i feel that you know and may be, just may be you are doubting just a little bit.
Labels: contradictions
Saturday, January 30, 2010 @ 8:25 AM
i was just looking back in the year 2009.. and i saw my target for O levels.. well.. compared to what i have... ...
BIG difference.. plus i have changed my mind about the courses.. i started out wanting to become a doctor, then i wanted to specialize in medical research, later on i thought of being a lawyer so i was contemplating... JC or poly.. after that, i read about pharmaceutical science.. -.- darn... cause' doctor, researcher, pharmacist, the difference is big! just imgaine all these changes happened in 2009, not over the years.. in merely a few months. ohwell.. at least now i'm happy with pharmaceutical sciences at RP.. (:
justtellmewhyikeptseeingyou,tellmewhyyou'reback,whenyou'rereadypleaseexplainwhydidyoudothat
i know what i heard, i know what i saw, but i dont know what i felt. a somewhat neutral and yet bitter kind of feeling, confused yet sure of what i want.. all because of your artificial presence. i dont wanna go back to where i was a year ago.. somehow after we took different paths at the junction i lost myself along that road.. hoping my soul will find me before it finds the 'light' ... thereafter, i found a newer, happier me but somewhat cocky.. i'm happy with that though.. all i wanna know is why..
isimplydontunderstandwhyyouhadtodothat,allthoselies,althoughyoumeannothingtomeistillwannaknow
~sayonnara~Labels: finding where i lost myself
Wednesday, January 27, 2010 @ 10:41 AM
yay!!! yippie eie yeah! (: I am going to Republic Poly, taking Pharmaceutical science! (: gosh! (: i'm gonna love it!
~sayonnara~
Labels: counting down 82 days
Tuesday, January 26, 2010 @ 9:40 AM
i've never felt like that in a long time.. or may be i've never felt like that before.. for the first couple of months i managed to kept it from the world.. then came that day when i wanted to let the cat out of the bag but i didnt let it out to you.. continue trying to let it out to you, but whenever i try to, i re-think and told myself "no" . this little thing has been going on for several months now.. within this period i've felt all kinds of emotions.. i struggled to know where i really stand.. and now i do know.. i wanna let you know so bad, but i'm just afraid that things might change for the worse.. i wanna keep this thing called friendship we have, but i'm too afraid to lose it.. at times i wonder if you're guessing on your own.. does my actions affect you, does my actions attract your attention? this thing i feel here, i've felt it before, but this time it's different, i know. the last time i felt it, i was immature.. i was irrational.. i was stupid.. but i kept that friendship.. i know it's not time yet cause' it's too early in the year.. i'm expecting drastic changes.. anyways... thats it i suppose..
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
oh gosh! yesterday was a great day! i finally feel that i've pass the screw up period.. so yesterday.. daddy and i left for Jln Riang at 10.30am and reached there by 10.50am.. help Uncle Pat deliver goods to 6 places.. delivery ended at 2.30pm.. gosh.. daddy and i haven't eaten anything since morning.. planned to have lunch but then we had to collect a wooden plank for the house and a last minute delivery to woodlands.. by the time we finished it was already 4.40pm.. reached home with dinner for my sis and nanny at 5.30pm and left home with my dad and bro for dinner.. gosh! i haven't felt that hungry in a long time! the last time i remembered was when............................ .........when......... during O level intensive studies.. gosh.. well.. thats about it..
~sayonnara~
p/s: i cant wait to know where i'll b posted to!
Labels: i havent felt like this in a long time for so long...
Tuesday, January 19, 2010 @ 9:28 PM
if given the appropriate time and a chance to really talk to you, i would probably tell you the truth, as it is now, i cant. i doubt that you even know what is happening though.. and even if you guess so, i also doubt that you would ask me for my answer.. i've never really gave a big hint ever since i was.... lets just say 'not wanted as the category' .. and thereafter i don't drop any huge hints anymore.. a kind of fear probably.. but then again it seemed like you were also... ... even if so, how was i supposed to know for sure? there were so many fears going on on my mind then... but it has been so long since then... now that i've known you better, and i'm still getting to know you more.. and somehow, a part of me is telling me not to... telling me that what if my judgement is wrong again.. should i take the risk? should i continue going forward? test the water or will i be playing with fire? but i cant ask you all this... i dont want to know your answer cause you may not know.. anyways.. apart from that, i'll be returning to AES tomorrow.. (: gonna give out CNY samples to the teachers.. ohyes, in case anyone wants to know the cakes and CNY treats that i'm selling they're halal certified, so, no worries.. (:
~sayonnara~
Saturday, January 16, 2010 @ 6:45 PM
sometimes the simpliest of things would be sufficient to paint a smile on your face, sometimes all it takes is a single person to be there, sometimes all you want to simply drift into dreamland and have the time of your life. all it takes to put a smile on your face.. and when it happens you seem to be unable to wipe it off your face.. and all you want to do is sit down facing the window and begin smiling at yourself.. even if it's for absolutely nothing.. i haven't felt like this in a long long long time.. i hardly smile ever since.... God-knows-when... i absolutely love this sanguine feeling of mine.. it's like reading Heidi all over again, but better.. and it was only yesterday when i felt just the same as every other day.. no smiles, no daydreaming, no happy feeling for absolutely no apparent reason.. but it's all different now.. (: (: (: oh gosh.. i hope this lasts.. but regardless, i'm gonna enjoy everybit of my joy! (:
-------------------------------------------------------------------
alright... counting down:
5days till Jocelyn's birthday
11-13days till the release of posting results.
11days till Junpeng's birthday
69 days till my birthday! yay! (:
about posting. sigh.. i really hope that i can get my first choice, which is pharmaceutical science at RP.. urgh.. whatever other people say.. that RP isnt good or anything.. doesnt matter at this point.. all i want is to do well and then move on to NUS! (:
thats all for now.. (:
~sayonnara~Labels: this ounce of courage is not gonna drop from the sky
Thursday, January 14, 2010 @ 5:55 PM
i changed my hairstyle and i'm satisfied with it.. cause i wanted a whole new look.. (: hehes.. so here it is.. (:
Wednesday, January 13, 2010 @ 11:54 AM
hello everybody! (: so.. CNY is just around the corner, if any of you is planning to buy CNY treats for your guest please visit :
http://www.yummiliciouscakes.blogspot.com/ the prices are stated there. (:
sigh.. now i can say that 5 years of secondary life is finally over and we're all moving onto the next phase of life.. i'm definitely gonna miss all my friends.. i'm gonna miss all the good times we had.. so.. i have another add on to my New Year's Resolutions.. Other than being more sociable and staying sanguine, i want to make the best effort to keep my friends.. All of them, be it from primary school, secondary school, PLTC camp, WOS, or even church.. I amazed myself by making new friends last year with He An and Sean. this once in a blue moon kind of thing don't come around so often.. so i'm gonna make it happen! (: salvaging friendships before they're beyond repair, re-bond with old friends whom i was close with nearly a million years ago and making new friends.. (: i want to keep the friendship i share with so many people now.. and i've already told some of them that we HAVE TO make time to have at least a lunch.. (: 2010 is definitely going to be exciting! (:
~sayonnara~
p/s: certain things are more fragile than it looks
Labels: i'm still unable to find that ounce of courage
Tuesday, January 12, 2010 @ 7:11 PM
hello everybody! (: hmm.. my O level results? narh. not as expected, worse than expected actually, but then i've gotta make the best out of what i have and get the best out of it.. (: i will update my posting status.. (: so.. i wasn't as tense as i was during the release of my N level results.. so yea, i kind of expected that i would be half a goner.. oh well.. at least i can qualify for RP.. last resort though, but at least i can use my last resort. (: and there are courses that i like.. yay! (:
the thing i'd miss most would be my friends.. well.. i feel so stretched.. cause i have friends all over.. at RP, SP and NP.. and i missed them so much.. anyways.. i shall and i will make time for my friends.. actually, i'm happy, i managed to salvage a friendship dispite the rumors, and i managed to re-make friends.. (: this year will definitely be a better year.. i can feel it! (:
~sayonnara~Labels: just you watch and see
Friday, January 8, 2010 @ 2:39 PM
went to republic poly today.. (: it was fruitful in a sense that i got to see the friends whom i miss so very much! and the person i miss most was there! arh!!! so happy to see her..
(: left home at around 11.15am and took a train down to woodlands then too 169 to RP.. reached there and hunted down Rina! haha.. almost got lost but didn't thanks to the sign boards put up.. (: took a breath of relief when i saw Rina! (: talked to her for little while then went to walk around.. walked to the school of engineering first, before even going in i saw this girl.. so familar!!! then she saw me and "arh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omgg!!!!!!!!" Amira!!! haha.. (: my primary school besty and phone buddy!!!!! i miss her so much... (: then after that i called Jinfang down to accompany me!! (: then while we were talking Sandy popped in and exclaimed "what are you doing here?!!!" narh, she wasn't angry, just shocked!.. after my tour i left.. and now i'm back home.. contemplating the next step i should take after results release on monday... sigh.. i can feel my heart in my throat already!!! well... more updates after i collect my results...
~sayonnara~
Monday, January 4, 2010 @ 9:45 PM
ohyea! i'm heading down to AES tomorrow! (: i miss my juniors so much already! haha.. but then again, not as much as my friends.. i've been feeling so useless these few days.. like i'm a good-for-nothing piece of trash at home... sigh. what to do? ...
bulid up self esteem lor..~ anyways.. np and sp's open house is nearing and i'm going.. hehes.. (: anyways.. today............. i went to the dentist to finish up my crowning... yay! finally! (: amazing how 1 tooth can make me go to the dentist several times, sitting there idle for hours and not to mention the money spent! apart from that....
results!!!! argh!!!!!! the anticipation is killing me man!
today i've learnt that life is fragile in many ways.. in terms of family, friendship, health and in a general form.. i've learnt where a single word can make a HUGE difference, and a small action can cause a person to change their mood.. today, here, on my blog.. i'm gonna tell you my new year's resolution.. open up to people easily and be more sociable, to be easily engaged in a new group ans stop being withdrawn... as simple as that... but most of all, stay optimistic! hehes (:
alright, i'm gonna have to end here... i dont wanna get stuck and then post a load of rubbish! (:
Labels: the fragility of life itself
Saturday, January 2, 2010 @ 10:17 PM
feeling all grown up all of a sudden, feel as though it's time for me to pay... i feel like i've not done enough, and yet, previously i felt i've done so much more.. may be i was wrong.. i don't know when this happened, i don't know how this happened... but i know it happened, gradually getting my attention.. things used to be so easy, things used to be so straight forward... the complication accumulating, the formulas fading.. i don't know what to do anymore.. but i know that everything will fall into place and all i have to do i trust the Lord..
2010 feels so weird all of a sudden, like an anticipation eating me alive and i wanna get out of it.. but it seems sl thrilling too! the new things that i'm gonna face, but i'm positive that my 18th year will be great, even better than my 17th year... (: alright, today.. nothing much actually.. i've ran out of things to say, not to mention how mundane my diary is... gosh...
apart from that, i'm so excited about the release of my O level results! argh... but.. yes, but! but, i'm also afraid... sigh. ohwell... i should be returning to AES between the 2nd-4th day of sch... (:
i shall end here (:
~all the best to all of you in this year to come!~
Labels: tell me what to do cause i dont wanna record this on paper
Friday, January 1, 2010 @ 10:46 AM
HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2010 is finally here! a new year with new beginnings and endings, new challanges with more obstacles and with victories, that goes without saying.. (:
i can't wait for so many things!
i can't wait to collect my results, i can't wait to know which school i'll be posted to, i can't wait for my 18th birthday, i can't wait to return to sec sch to visit my juniors and teachers! (: i'm kind of anticipating things... i personally feel that my 2010 will be better than my suckish love-hate 2009.. i'm glad i can move on to new things, and start new beginnings..
~sayonnara~Labels: new beginnings
