Friday, July 31, 2009 @ 2:26 PM
i thought i knew better..
i thought i could do better..
i thought many things, as if i was wonderwomen..
now i know i'm not..
tomorrow is the day..
the day i thought we could be happy about..
but now.. i... sigh..
*******
school has been alright, i guess.. SIGH! help lar... haiya..
i feel so stress!!! >.<
hmm.. my right knee has this 'growth' gonna have it checked tomorrow..
blaghs.. haiya.. school is gonna celebrate national day and i'm taking part in 'dont forget the lyrics' assumption version.. haha!! wish me good luck!! (:
i hope i wont stun!! goodness! well.. there's always a first time to everything...
singing in front of a million and one eyes isnt my thing.. but then i love singing..
nobody has really heard me sing exp for certain people.. (: (:
ohwell... can la can la... [ i hope ] !!!
~signs off~
p/s: happy 16th birthday kai loon and kai hui! (: all the best for your major exams! (:
p/s/p/s: kai loon and kai hui arent brothers... i doubt they know each other's existence..
Labels: happy birthday in advance
Tuesday, July 28, 2009 @ 9:02 PM
who has the key to unlock this? who can save me from this agony? you're not the only reason... theres to many things to keep track... i cant.. i just cant.. i wanna let the tears flow but i cant.. my heart aches.. i wanna let you know.. [ heck, dont think you know who i'm referring to.. things are as unexpected as we dont expect them to be.. ] i wanna let you know that you changed your attitude towards me.. what have i done wrong? why are you so different? you werent like that.. seemed like only months ago when i felt comfortable being with you.. but now.. seemed like months ago when i could confide in you about anything and everything.. but now... its so different... i expected you to not bother at all... expected.. just didnt expected the harshness... i dont like it.. i hate it... a lot.. i thought we could last the way we were.. like how you said.. apparently you change also.. turning off my phone.. i dont wish to be contacted.. you suck.. u suck alot...
ps: evelyn.... ~>.<~
Labels: self declared isolation
Saturday, July 25, 2009 @ 12:02 PM
poof! gosh... exhausted! night studies from tues-fri...
and i finally broke down yesterday...
went to school a little earlier to buy dinner for Junpeng..
tried very hard to study but failed!
stared at the maths w/s for a really long time before i decided to take a walk...
walked and walked and walked... all the way up to the graduating classrooms..
stood outside 5/1 classroom and watched the sunset...
yes... watching the sunset alone... pathetic.. haha!! (:
ohwell... only a fool like me.. [ you get what i mean.. ]
in the dead of night i hear the crickets singing
in the dead of night i hear the wolves howling
in the dead of night i see myself dying..
wondering when i can get out of this alive..
wondering when i can get out of this horrible place..
i wanna go to a place where the salty breeze blows against my face..
leaving me, myself and my switched off phone..
where no one can bother me..
a new week is gonna start soon..
new week, new problems, new solutions, new surprises, new happenings, a whole new me.. (:
p.s: computer keep breaking down! >.< hmm...
Labels: in the dead of night i see myself dying
Monday, July 20, 2009 @ 9:31 PM
i'm still that fool..
waiting for rain in that drought..
oh, as if rain would come..
talking to myself,
making myself think otherwise,
i cant seem to remember the last time it rained..
i cant seem to remember the joy.
why?
*******
alright! didnt blog for a few days.. (: haha
night studies starting tomorrow... O lvls arh!! >.<
gosh... one last lap... just one last lap...
ohyes, before i forget...
i dont wanna name any names here...
first and foremost! i've had enough of you and your bloody nonsense..
'chop my head off' ? ha ha ha! i'm laughing... -.- really.. -.-
go sling your hook somewhere else, seriously..
although you're not smart enough to view my blog, i'm gonna blog it anyway...
no point writing this down in my diary and make me reminded of it...
you're not worth it.. argh... ... ): so sad... cause' if i name you everyone will die of shock!
ass... like i care whatever you wanna do to me.. 'chop my head' for all i care...
trust me lady! i'll haunt your every waking moment!!
you just think that by getting rid of her is gonna make everything smoothier...
ha! getting rid of you would make it even better!! wake up please!
who the hell do you think you are?
you're not the only one staying in this house... -.-
ya la! half owner la! whatever! please... get real... a little to practical here... -.-
chase MY NANNY out arh? why dont you leave instead...
i dont really care if i'm getting in your 'get rich' plans...
you wanna earn money? earn it the DECENT way please!
you dont want dignity, i want mine... (:
i'm really disgusted by your actions... seriously...
how can someone as 'nice' as you do such a thing?
greedy for money? dont worry... i wont give you a single cent when i start working..
tough luck! deal with it.. better yet, live with it..
you'd be old one day also... by then we'll see who's the one who 'gei si' -.- please..
'get out get out! the door is there!' this is definitely no way to treat an old lady!
dont make me take a video of it and upload it on youtube...
by then you'll be more famous then the aunty screaming at HK international airport..
go get a life... seriously... i dislike you enough already! dont make me puke on you..
i dont really care who you are to me anymore... cause' i figured since you can say such heartless words to me, considering our 'relationship' i figured i should be ruthless too...
dont make me! you're already about to cross the line!
word of advice : dont.
Labels: i'll let the whole world know if that is what it takes to put a stop to it
Friday, July 17, 2009 @ 8:00 PM
its the sentimental value it posses.. no amount of money can buy it.
no riches on earth can be compared
with it..
no matter how many times i unfold it, the words are the same..
no matter how many times i read it,
the meaning still stays.
ever since it's over, i feel like a fool when i'm in your presence..
i wanna run away but that would make it worse..
this letter which i posses will stay.
this memory which i hold will leave
a permanent mark..
Thursday, July 16, 2009 @ 8:43 PM
i feel like cuddling someone..
i feel like hugging someone so tightly just to calm me down..
i feel like leaning on someone's shoulder and turn it soggy..
i feel like crying,
i feel like laughing,
i feel like screaming,
i feel like isolating myself..
so many of this a too little of that,
a little more of this and a difference is made..
too little of that and there isnt a reaction..
i feel a contradiction coming along..
i want black and white,
i want colours also!
i wanna cry,
but i wanna put on a smile cause' i'm happy!
what do i really want?
*******
school was alright, (:
i'm finally feeling better..
not a hint of fever or whatsoever.. (:
urgh... EC!!! Extended Curriculum!! also known as graduating classes worst nightmare!
oh well.. suffer first enjoy later! (: mua hahaha! (:
one last lap and its party till dawn baby! (:
oh well.. ALL THE BEST TO 'N' AND 'O' LEVEL STUDENTS!
Labels: a little bit of this plus a little bit of that
Wednesday, July 15, 2009 @ 8:34 PM
whats the blur patch there?
why is it that whatever i'm seeing is short-sighted?
i'm real jealous... but then again..
at least someone owns something i yearn to have..
recognition, attention..
i dont understand why it has ended up like this..
yea, things happen for a reason, do i wanna know why? or should i be kept from it?
i wish upon another star..
star light star bright, first star i see tonight, i wish i may i wish i might have this wish come true tonight... oh pretty please with a cherry on top.. but then again, what can i do if i dont get it? reasons... gosh...
Labels: a million minus two
@ 1:30 PM
had fever again.. >.<
darn.. came home early and slept until 12.40pm..
laid in bed until almost 1pm then decided to go for a jog since fever subsided..
came home, bathed and then went to buy lunch for my nanny..
cooked lunch for myself.. and currently updating blog.. haha! (:
feeling much better.. (: may be i should stay home tomorrow just in case...
saw you as i walked down,
put on a smile for the world to see,
to prove that i'm still alright,
my happiness is derived from wherever i am..
not because of the people around me..
not because of the things that happen.
who says that i cant smile when i'm facing set-backs?
it doesnt matter..
what matters most is me, myself and i..
friends are just there to back you up.
best friends are there to walk life's jorney with you.
life partners are there to support you when you're weak from all those falls..
all are equally important.. (:
Labels: i'm still counting down 17 days
Tuesday, July 14, 2009 @ 6:38 PM
i've had enough of your nonsense..
you think that the world revolves around you?
wake up! wake up!
i dont know what you expect,
but your expectations are way way way off reality!
i dont know what your issue is..
i dont know why you do all those for..
i dont know if its you for sure..
but if YOU are the one doing all these..
i suggest you do some soul searching...
was it right?
i really really wish to drop a huge hint here..
but nah... i shall keep the suspense..
*******
Labels: i refuse to record this on paper
Monday, July 13, 2009 @ 6:14 PM
*haha! evelyn's doggy... cute? yea.. cute but very very playful.. (:
this little darling looks like an angel when its sleeping.. well... when its awake..
like the Tasmanian devil!
alright.. today? had fever and went home early.. darn...
fever subsided by about 4pm... then no more fever.. >.<
oh well.. one sign that i've overworked myself...
******
i wanna let you know that it has been tough for me, in fact for us since 2009 started..
no doubt that you've been through quite a lot..
until now, all i wanna know is why didnt you prepare me for this?
did you know the eventual outcome?
if you didnt, why couldnt you tell me as soon as you knew?
instead of making me like a fool?
seeing you nowadays has no effect..
i no longer feel the urge to steal a peek..
i feel a sense of relieve..
cause' i assume that you no longer avoid me..
may be this is one of those friendship that ends like that..
may be you're one of those friends who would just step in and leave..
i've just gotta accept the fact that it has already happened..
no time machine will change this..
all i want is a crystal ball..
initially i thought it would all change for the better..
i think this is the best it can get..
no regrets though..
the fun times we had..
we had our share of fights,
but you always gave in to me..
at the end of the day you would call and apologise..
reminiscing the fun times never cease to put a smile on my face...
all those silly things you would do to make me happy..
the sweet things you would do for me still gives me that special tingle..
things like waking up with me at 4 in the morning..
and many others of course..
though our friendship is over..
i'd never forget..
i dont hate you for putting me in a predicament i never thought i would be in..
it made me mature.. i think, i try to understand..
after this i'll only look back to cheer myself up.. (:
Labels: at times like this i wish you were still here by my side
Sunday, July 12, 2009 @ 9:53 PM
sigh...
nothing much so far...
EC starts tuesday..
may be its time to accept the fact that it's done and over with..
may be its time for me to lift my head up high up high like how i used to..
may be its time to say '' come'on lets go.. " and put on a great big smile..
may be its time to show a smile which i really mean it.. to be able to smile because i'm REALLY happy.. (:
well, i've found my antidote. and i'm happy with the way things are.. really really happy...
but then again, change is inevitable.. submissions are sometimes the right thing to do..
resign to fate? i dont think so! haha! i'm gonna do it my way (sometimes though) XD
Labels: now you're not my best antidote but i am
Thursday, July 9, 2009 @ 4:58 PM
i'm bothered about the fact that we've turned out this way..
the two people i dread to 'lose' [ in a way ]
i feel somewhat neutral when i see you..
i dont feel so disappointed nor sad anymore..
it just didnt occur to me that this would be the outcome..
but then again, things happen for a reason..
and the other...
i've got nothing else to say...
i dont know what happened..
it happened so fast..
there's one thing i know, that is i didnt do it..
**********
well... school was alright... (:
O lvl chinese oral was alright also..
it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be.. (:
well.. this is my last lap.. 'do it well abigail! (:'
thats all for now lar... (:
~sayonnara
Labels: i refuse to record this on paper
Wednesday, July 8, 2009 @ 10:51 PM
i'm really really tired of all these...
Abigail, are you being paranoid again or are they really happening?
I wish to ask someone about it...
pity though.. i cant...
its as though i'm being seen through the eyes of prejudice..
it's as though i'm the accused standing there being condemned by the bribed judge..
"INNOCENT TILL PROVEN GUILTY" someone shouts out..
everything, in fact a few people has become distant...
i dont know why..
but i know we went through a great deal to be where we are now..
what happened?
Abigail, i ask you once more, are you being paranoid?
Labels: it sucks knowing somethings change the way it shouldnt meant to be
@ 8:24 PM
lets see... sigh..
O lvl mother tongue oral tomorrow.. well.. okay lar... XD
10 more days till the next Kim Seng East gathering.. i dont know why i'm unusually excited about this upcoming gathering.. (: happy happy happy..
i dont wanna think about the 'whys'
i dont wanna think about the 'hows'
i dont wanna think about the 'whos'
i dont wanna... i just dont wanna..
this smile is staying no matter what,
and i'm not about ready to let some insignificant thing ruin it..
Labels: took every chance to catch a glimpse
Tuesday, July 7, 2009 @ 3:48 PM
how i wish everything would come to a stand still... i would trade anything for everything to came to a complete halt.. everything would stop, everyone would freeze.. and then i would have enough time to think.. what on earth is happening and such.. how did something almost so wonderful can be tearing apart.. i realised that i havent been as realistic as i should have been.. often dreaming of fairytales and such.. gosh...
i've had my wake up call.. there isnt a need for another one until later on..
i wish everyone would just shut up.. and for a moment there's really peace.. the stillness in the air would make up for all these chaos..
Labels: this aint gonna wipe away my smile
Monday, July 6, 2009 @ 10:48 AM
alright, an update about yesterday..
was out the whole day as dad had his taxi..
went to church in the morning..
didnt really had a girly catch up with Roda..
**buy birthday present! (:
**buy birthday present! (:
took note of my friend's birthday.. (:
went to have prata after church...
yea.. prata for lunch... dad's idea cause' we were gonna have buffet for dinner.. XD
well, after lunch we headed down to Botanic Gardens took a few photos..
gosh... it was definitely tough.. my theme now is insects.. well..
i've got a few months to brush up my skills before i can get a part time job as a photographer or may be it's just my part of wishful thinking.. regardless.. (:
went home cause' it was about to rain.. gosh.. it rained...
we then left the house at 5pm for Royal Plaza on Scotts. (:
waited for dad's friends and then went in.. so.. here are the pictures of what i ate.. (:
hees* (: felt like uploading this picture! (: mua hahaha!
Labels: nothing can wipe this smile away
Saturday, July 4, 2009 @ 1:23 PM
went taking photos today..
not satisfied at all...
well.. i would give an excuse of being tired, but nah...
pretty blur.. composition... erm... na-da.. zilch.. sigh..
well.. had inspirations along the way..
the picture below speaks: regardless if you take the left or right turn, regardless the outcome, make the best out of it. there's always a little good in everything.. you'll just have to search for it.. not all good things are laid there for you to see.. sometimes you'll have to search for it in the right places..
Labels: theres a thin line between love and hate
Friday, July 3, 2009 @ 2:36 PM
things don't always seem the way it is..
this 'exit' sign below can mean 2 things,
either GET OUT or it'll lead to a better place...
your actions determine the meaning of this 'exit' sign..
(:
school was relatively okay.. (:
today was slacking day.. only one lesson.. (: ^^
these past 6 months has taken half the life out of me..
there were quarrels,
there was a break up...
ups and downs..
apparently more downs than ups..
everything wore me out terribly..
sometimes i felt as though i was in my own world..
i didnt feel like getting out of my shell..
******
well... its another 6months..
how much more can i stretch?
i'm no elastic.. i've gotta admit..
although several tensions have eased i'm still feeling the pull..
it has always been an uphill task..
and i've ended up crawling..
Labels: the nerve of some people
Thursday, July 2, 2009 @ 5:42 PM
these pictures cute eh... (:
well figured this would be a good way to brighten certain people.. (:
no one in particular though.. (:
school has been alright so far though..
not much drama rama...
if eveything could slow down for a sec...
may be this is one of those times i'm paranoid..
may be this is one of those times i wanna know what the hell is going on..
this things always goes two ways..
either i'm paranoid or there's really something going on..
can somebody please tell me?
Labels: agony
Wednesday, July 1, 2009 @ 6:49 PM
~contradictions & irony
- hail storm on a hot summer's day
- avoid cause' you care
- hate to love & love to hate
*****
i dont know, but i'm feeling extremely good about myself today! (:
happy happy happy me.. (:
well.. O levels just around the corner.. >.<
gosh.. can time please slow down for a sec..
muggin', burnin' midnight oil, waking up before dawn... >.<
well.. suffer first enjoy later... (:
can't wait for the last paper of O levels and the par-ty begins! woohoo!!
outtings, taking photographs, working, and..................
hopefully!!! my O level results will satisfy me and everyone else! (:
9 points baby, 9 points!
I'd prove you wrong!
I'd make sure you eat your words!
Ha! 9 points?! easy as pie!
Biomedical engineering/biomedical science here i come! (:
junior collage? it's on the list.. (: JJC/NJC.. (:
mua-hahaha! (:
i've got so many plans planned for me after my O levels!
alright, gotta hit my books! (:
~sayonnara
Labels: one step at a time everything will fall into place
