life's too short to let a little setback pull you down (:

~considerations

2010-07-28T10:25:00.000+08:00

hello! wonder if anyone is still reading this...
livejournal is really great to use, user friendly.. but i know no one other than qi mei that has live journal..
although it does not import my blogger post, it's still pretty much alright. (:

i wont be using this blog anymore... so this will b my last post, gonna use livejournal, but this wont b deleted cause it holds my memories. (:

http://iam-abigail.livejournal.com/

~changed

2010-06-30T08:22:00.001+08:00

hey readers! (:

i'm currently trying live-journal! (:
might go back to blogger.com, not sure though..

http://iam-abigail.livejournal.com/

anyone with live journal??!! might wanna add me.. hehes..

(:

~my definition of innocence

2010-06-29T14:10:00.000+08:00

innocence resembles the attitude and character of a child of 5 and below.
the way they ask for a cookie the way they say that they don't like this jiejie or korkor..

the honesty and innocence melts anybody's stone cold heart.

the only people who actually retain their child-like innocence would be those who are intellectually disabled, no offence, but don't you agree? i have a cousin who is intellectually disabled. he might be spoilt but at least what he does is from the bottom of his heart. (i think) he is not the only intellectually disabled person i have come in contact with. nobody above the age of 12 retains at least half of their initial innocence. absolutely nobody. sad to say,but it's true.

having innocence means that you won't be flaunting around. thinking that you've made friends by complimenting them.. having innocence means that you wouldn't mind someone who is worse off than you, being friends with anyone.. i'm not innocent cause i dislike you! i dislike you alot.. at first i didn't care much cause i don't know you well. but now, you're seriously getting on my nerves. you talk about how rich you are like a "rich" snooby jerk! you flirt like you dont care that you have a girlfriend.. thank God my ex bf isnt as bad as you! you remind me of rich snooby bitches and jerks! money so what? money big shit arh? i'd rather lead a pauper's life if thats what money is gonna make me into.. sad to say i know it wont cause i've been tested. (: *so proud* i'm proud of who i am, i'm proud of what i have. money or not i know i'm happy cause i make the best of what i have. so what if i cant go for annual holidays? so what if i dont own a prada heels? so what if i dont own gucci clothes? so? BIG DEAL?! yes, i do have branded things, but those are categorised under "charity case" -.- i dont like it, but what am i to do? i'm not a begger, i didnt ask for all those, they were given cause a certain someone wants to look big and charitable in front of those rich people. i dont beg, i dont brag! i'm not like you.. you make it seem like i'll b impressed by your stupid ways to flirt.

i'm not impressed! no rich guy.. snoobs. i've had enough to last me 10 life times. seriously... theres smthing you dont know anything about me, i doubt anyone knows.. mayb only a few. but even before then i didnt show off like you do..

~too many things too little time

2010-06-22T14:16:00.000+08:00

it has been so happening recently..
it first started during my 2 week break..
tableting workshop, BASF seminar, going back to school~~
and now that i've been back in school for 1 week, in the 2nd week now,
a few of us in the Pharmaceutica IG aka CCA is now on probation as either acting head, acting vice-head or acting secretary..
i've been given several task to plan already.. with seniors to guide of course...
but this time i feel that i'm more on my own compared to when i was in secondary school..
it's really stress cause i have people to answer to, whereas in sec sch the responsibily i held was so much lesser than what i am holding now... my hair is falling!
happening, yes... deprived of sleep, yes... no time to relax, erm... no comments... see less sunlight, definite yes!!! feeling scared for upcoming test, yes... darn..
i've been doing alright for school.. i just feel that i have got no time for myself.. be it to study, sleep, bathe or relax...
i'm falling asleep soon! if i'm given ONE wish right now, i dont want money, i dont want time with my friends, i dont want the best food on earth. I want more time so that i can sleep and re-charge myself so that i can perform better after that.. i just feel that i'm not giving my best cause i'm so disorianted and tired.. disorianted isnt really a problem cause i snap out of it easily.. tired is the main cause! >.<
i dream of a cool, soft bed, with comfy pillows and boster and a soft, thick, comfy blanket, raining and cool wind blowing in.. and i would be lying there under my white soft blanket~~ argh....... ............ oh gosh.. if i carry on i'll b sleep-typing..

science workshop later...
i'm really scared that i would collapse and then fail in my tests.. ):
i dont feel like crying though...
i just wanna sleep! really bad...
i can hardly stay up after 11pm now..

i miss writing in my diary.. ): my poor neglected diary.. but i've got no time! hardly have time to breathe not to mention poop and pee! haha (:

~sayonnara~

~what is it is what it is

2010-06-16T22:20:00.000+08:00

i've been feeling full of emotions recently, so many things has happened..
it sucks cause i dont know where i stand, i cant seem to feel the two extremes of my emotions..
the poems i write suck.. i miss how i can sit on my chair with my hands on the keyboard and just type away and be satisfied with what i did.. but recently, all of those has changed...
i no longer wanna go away alone, cause the moment i wanna go away i wanna embrace myself with people.. what is wrong with me? too many chaotic things happening at the same time? or is it that i've shut myself out of it for too long? i get disorianted so easily and so easily forget a conversation that happened a minute ago.. it's as though i've became brain dead..
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so i sat by the quiet road side and watched the clouds go by,
out of the blue i heard a car horn and looked to my right...
a big blue car coming my way with its roof put away.
without a care i laid down by the fence with a brown horse behind it.
clouds passed as the seconds ticked away..
bright blue skies slowly turned to deep dark blue,
the stars are out.
THERE! a SHOOTING STAR.
eyes closed, hands together, i make my wish.
star light star bright, first star i see tonight,
i wish i may,
i wish i might,
have my wish come true tonight.
got up and left the place i stayed that day.
took a slow and peaceful walk to where i stay..
"BANG" was the last sound i heard.
i'm now lying down dead with a smile on my face.
blood flowing out of me and there, my heart stopped.
life's that short, that sudden.
who knows what might happen next?
love like you've never been hurt,
talk like theres no tomorrow,
learn like you'll live forever.

~reminisce

2010-06-12T10:56:00.000+08:00

do you remember the cinema setting?
do you remember what you said to me?
do you remember where we went after the movie?
do you remember what we did after the move?
do you?
i know i do.
i remember so many things, too many things.
but now you dont seem to care..
well, explains why too.. since you've got.. you know.. yea.
actually, you've never cared..
so why should i bother reminiscing?
reminiscing..

my holidays have been fruitful! (: really enjoyed myself.

~sayonnara~
fear is once again in my dictionary

~seminar

2010-06-10T11:30:00.000+08:00

i'm currently in school.. ushering pharmacist, doctors, professors, speakers from around the world. it's interesting.. (: with my new found friends here with me.. we went absolutely crazy yesterday! was taking all sorts of weird pictures! aww.. miss it.. today is the 2nd and also the last day of the seminar.. (:

let me start with yesterday..
yesterday... i was running up and down, running all sorts of errands.. well.. yea. so this german lady, Natelie, my first impression of her was firece, stern and such.. cause of the look she gave when talking.. but later yesterday a group of us were talking to her and i found out that she is really very nice.. one instance where "never judge the book by its cover" is appropriate.. so yea.. we talked and talked and found out that she is here alone in Singapore..

okay. blogging mood just died.. sayonnara! (:

~disorianted

2010-06-07T21:26:00.000+08:00

I dont know what got over me today and i felt "not me" ..
it sucked..

but then...... ...........
I talked to a friend of mine from italy.. i havent met her in 10 years!
and although we've only met once, we wrote letters to each other and stayed in contact..
you know.. now, i've finally realised that friendship bonds arent that easily broken..
no scissors or knife too sharp, no oceans too wide and no quarrels too big to break it. (:

aww...
alright! time to spend time with my diary!

~Thank God!

2010-05-30T21:24:00.000+08:00

i've got job for my 2 week holiday.. (:
no torment!(:

no mood to blog.

~sayonnara~

~Lord I need you everyday, but I need you more today..

2010-05-29T23:31:00.000+08:00

i dont know where i stand, cause i dont know who is right..

You give me so many things I never ask for,
Your plans so meticulous that no one could ever think of..
The way You put people together to make the best or worst out of them..
No two friends are the same,
No two fathers or mothers are the same either,
And neither are two brothers or sisters the same.

All i wanna know is where the links are.. if someone, anyone.. could just fill me in..
I feel the presence of my comforter fading..
I feel you, who are you??
I wish that you can show yourself ..
I'm not scared, just show yourself..

~last day of school

2010-05-27T22:15:00.000+08:00

woohoo! last day of school! (:
and there's so many things that is gonna take place!
the one thing that i know that i'll have to tolerate and clench my fist together.. (darn)
sigh... i'm sooooooo reluctant to do it.... but then.................... SIGH!!!!!!!
but then i gotta help.. (oh i'd rather go to school everyday)

alright! suckish thingies aside..

i'm gonna enjoy pharmaceutical science activities! (:

okay~~ i've lost my mood to blog. till next time. (:

~you just dont know when i thought you should know better

2010-05-25T22:24:00.000+08:00

you know? sometimes when you hear words from a person who means so much to you.. and you think that the words coming out of this person's mouth would not have pricks.. but then sometimes you're just proven wrong.. sometimes people just dont realise it.. and then they say without realising and whats worse its during one-of-those-days when you're really feeling down for nothing.. it projects, like a bacteria under a microscope..

it's just one-of-those-days for me.. darn.. it sucks.. seriously sucks.. i dont know how you do it.. one of those days when it just passes so slowly! and the torment is simply unbearable..

besides being one of those days with someone not realising that their words hold pricks in certain ways, you also have people who speak without facts going through their mind.. and then you feel so helpless.. all you can do is hope that someone wouldnt get into trouble just because of an idiot who sometimes is sweet.. and other than these sweet idiots you get real idiots getting on your nerves! 2 days straight! seriously.. they talk like their at the top of the world! they think that what they do is better than everyone else! they have no regards for your presense! apparently, the people who are around them are not treated like people at all cause these people arent people to them.. (sound familiar? well, different person this time around!) so just because these good people arent people to this person, this person disregard them and their opinion! this person is just lucky that you didnt have a cleaver in yoru hand to skin this person alive and hear this person's plead! how sadistic?! (oh whatever.. ) and then this person would argue non-stop and at the end of it this person would some thick-skinned asking.. "so.. is it right or not?" -.- seriously -.- then why bother arguing?! damn! would you just get a life?! no? then go away!

so many things come together in a day and then you become so stressed up making it one of those days.. suckish.. seriously suckish. i feel for you.. really really feel for you. i symphatise with you! these things just wear a person out so much..

alright, i'm done ranting.. (:

i feel so much better..

however, my laptop keyboard isnt feeling that good..

oups.. narh.. no harm.. (:

good night.

~i'm destined to be _ _ _ _ _ _ ! (: and i'm happy with that..

nights

~i'm one happy girl today

2010-05-18T21:08:00.000+08:00

you know how some people have an effect on your life? how they can cheer you up when ever you feel their presense? have you ever wondered why? well, i dont have the answers..

so.. these two people.. i have no idea who one of them is but she made my day! (: she was this baby girl of slightly older than a year and so i decided to play with her by showing her faces.. aww... *melts* and she smiled back! then she offered me her sliva coated biscuit.. yuck.. but it was undoubtedly adorable! it made my day, it took my mind off so many things at one go..

and next! i've known him for so long, 5 years, going on 6.. (: his name is Jun Peng.. (: why? cause we were webcamming and talking over msn! i enjoy taking to him! taking to him made me feel like i was playing with that baby girl earlier today.. my mind was elsewhere and problems became non-existant.. (:

till next time~

~bring me a little back in time

2010-05-13T22:32:00.000+08:00

Bring me a little back in time,
Bring me back there cause I wanna relieve fresh valentine,
Bring me back there with you when our hearts first tied.

Many things has changed since,
Since we went our separate ways.
You went left and I went right,
Like 2 parallel lines that would never meet.

Bring me a little back in time,
Back to when we were just friends of valentine,
When then, I wanted you to want me too.
And honey those were the best times of my life.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I had a sudden inspiration to write lyrics.. havent did that in a really really long time..
it's obvious i'm happy/sanguine.. (: nonono... no poly boyfriend.. no intentions to find one at the moment though.. I really really wish this stays.. I hope that this is a sign that i've settled down in poly. I wanna remain the same happy-go-lucky girl.. attitude and character changes are inevitable, but i want to at least maintain this likeable-ness thing of mine.. (: ( thick skinned me. )

anyways, my first UT, Understanding Test starts tomorrow.. (: Cognitive Problem Solving..
poly has been alright so far.. if given the liberty to choose my teammates i more or less know who are competent. ( no names ) i've been known to be a tyrant when it comes to work, which pretty much explains my unpleasent times a few years back.. a perfectionist, as some would say. But! yes, but, i often screw up.. learning point though.. (: PBL! Problem Based Learning. (:

I've been feeling happy for just over 24 hours now.. lets see how long this can last.. (: I just hope that I wouldn't change for the worse now that i've returned to my normal self.. (: optimist! sanguine! oriantated! in the lead! (: this might not last, but at least i would know that i wont reach to a point of no return.. (:
I'm just lucky to have friends and family who care.. (:

~sayonnara~
p/s: "sometimes you reach by just making believe... ..."

p/s p/s: i wanna read the Hunchback of Notre Dame & A Midsummer Night's Dream!!! !!! but where has time gone to??

~a little too soon for me..

2010-05-11T15:09:00.000+08:00

you know.. may be not everybody can relate to this.. but i'm well aware of the changes in the air.. poly has been going on for nearly a month now, and i'm still adapting.. i love my class (W36A) a lot! but then you know what sucks? me.. things are happening so quickly that i cant hardly catch myself doing so.. i see my reflection and i hardly recognise. i was recently talking to my best friend/listening ear and i mentioned that i've changed.. he agreed.. which further proves how aware i am.. which kinda suck.. i dont wanna get into another one of a kind situation that i always get myself into.. but then how am i supposed to differentiate?? or is it too early to tell how a person is??

i know what you mean.. i get it.. you're my friend and you dont want me to get into another situation where i'll be unable to turn back.. and though i know that you'll always be there for me when i need someone i dont wanna be on my own..

i've been doing a lot of thinking these few days.. thinking of how fast things are going and how fast time is flying.. it amazes me how close my class and i are.. we're calling each other dear and we're celebrating birthdays.. staying back to study for exams, and not to mention joking around like a 10 year friend.. it amazes me cause' i dont recall being so close with my secondary school friends after 3 days of school.. may be i've grown up, may be things have changed, i dont know.. but it's amazing.. (: i'm really really amzed..

now, back to my point.. this isnt something that i usually go through, i dont feel like that.. or you might say that i've never.. it brings the word emotions to an entirely new level..

"Love looks with no eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is wing'd cupid painted blind "

i think i'm gonna to continue reading more of Shakespeare's works! I've read Romeo and Juliet, next shall be A mid-summer's night dream. (:

~sayonnara~

p/s: i updated my blog in school! (:

~surprise from us to you!

2010-04-30T22:16:00.000+08:00

I've realised that i love giving my friends surprises! I gave Munyee a surprise last year by making a scrap book for her, I also gave Jasmine a surprise by "forgetting" her birthday. (: i love my darling gan meimei! and lastly, I gave Evelyn a pleasant surprise by preparing a card and I think a picture for her, I went to her house and stuck it on her main door, i wanted to stay though, but narh.. (: and so.. I'm delivering another surprise tomorrow! hehes.. I shall update on who this person is after the pleasant surprise! I'm sure that you'll love it.

Next, I'm gonna post what i'm feeling since last night and successfully hid it today while in school.. A feeling of disappointment, curiosity, sadness, uncertainty and a hint of anguish.. (just a hint of anguish) this feeling flooded after I read some "articles" (of which i apologise, but i'm not allowed to divulge) these "articles" were about the human feeling after a certain type of incident happened and the reactions that follow after. this made me wonder why.. why do they react this way? isnt there a way to counter it? disappointed first came over me cause' i'm well aware that i can no longer salvage the situation.
I simply dont understand why?! its not about the "aww.. come'on abi, let it go.. it has been so long" issue! nonono! it sucks not given an explanation after things go so horribly wrong! it sucks knowing that you feel that you're the only one unaware/unnotified! it really sucks! "so why didnt you ask around abi?" how to ask?! "eh... you know something i dont know is it? tell me tell me please tell me!" am i supposed to react this way?! i am SUPPOSED to get an explanation! not ask for one! you left me hanging there with out any other roles to hold on to! trust me, moving on/letting go is the least of my problems! but i dislike being left alone without an explanation! no explanation is "can you dont sms me" or "can you dont call me" -.- like seriously.. yea! seriously! then why were you so serious in the beginning when you knew that you were a coward?! you do realise that being made fun of is inexcusable.. i dont see why you couldnt have easily have chosen other paths.. yes i'm unhappy! cause the "article" that i read sounds a lot like you..
no doubt i felt guilty cause the "article" also states the state of mind and emotions.. but then again.. i do wish that we would never cross paths again..

urgh.. i dont wanna talk about it.. getting a little pissed..

~sayonnara~
p/s: yay! surprise! (:

~i just did what i was supposed to do a long time ago.

2010-04-27T08:24:00.000+08:00

yes! this is a happy post! as promised. (:

I... ... just... ... did... ... something... ... oh alright! well, it's not something bad if that's what you're thinking of. well.. for those who somewhat might know.. i deleted it. if you know what it is.. (: hey! its a good thing! i know that i should have done that a long time ago.. as for those that are partially flammable, i think those would be for keeps. (: that person was somewhat good, though that person lied.. but arh.. what-the-hell.. (: pretty much happy.

school has been alright though. presentations everyday, but its alright. i love the new friends that i've made. (: Sachi (half jap), Qi Mei (10 yr girls sch), Jasper (ah beng but serious worker), Mat (serious worker, part-timer), Tri, Violet ( i thought that she was 100% ah lian, but narh, i was wrong. (: ), Millie, Joey, Jenny (she has a cute but weird trait, she is afraid of candy), Nadrah (she produces her music, so cool right?!), Randy, Donovan... ... erm... okok.. i'm starting to forget. but so far i've talked to these people. (: we're at the forming stage going onto the norming stage then then storming stage. (: so far so good. (:

~sayonnara!
sono felice

~i'm trying as hard as i can

2010-04-23T22:55:00.000+08:00

you know? sometimes when someone is a thorn in your flesh you get really really irritated.. and sometimes your emotions get the better of you and you cant help but react in a certain way that is not yourself? then after that you realised that you were being too aggressive and then you cant help but feel bad... and then the pain in your flesh turns into pain in your chest.. guilt and remorse... it sucks! like... whats wrong with me?! i get this a lot... a part of a chapter in my new phase of life will always, no doubt be a screw up! but i just cant understand my my screw ups have to be so utterly stupid beyond human comprehension...

i'm feeling irritated the past few days because i cant seem to get things done.. thats other than school of course.. its getting on my nerves.. i feel so disorianted.. i lose focus so easily that i dont even know what i'm doing a second after i knew what i was... see... pure stupidity.. undeniably stupid! stupid to the extent where i can actually let my overwhelming emotions get the better of me...

previously, i told myself to use my head more than my heart.. it worked for about a year and then this stupid thing happened! so there's an expiry to this?! oh come'on! so i suppose now i gotta renew?! how much does the renewal fee cost?! the ruin of my changed, previously improved bloody attitude?! it always sucks when i face this problem once in a while.. i completely lose myself! i find it difficult to even relax for even a second... i'm sooooo tense, tooooooo disorianted and sooooooo very stupid to allow my emotions get the better of me..

i'm getting outta here! i need a comedy!

p/s: i promise my next post will b a happy one.. its a promise.. i'm gonna stop sulking.. darn...

~all i wanna do is to let you know

2010-04-16T06:10:00.000+08:00

you know.. a certain emotion sparks off and suddenly its not about how you feel anymore.. suddenly you feel like your face tightened and you hear you're blushing.. suddenly you can't sleep at night dreaming of the day you wish so much that could happen.. and suddenly you're dropped from high above.. a loud thud! your knees scraped, your palms bleeding and your bones broke.. but most importantly you know that something of yours broke real bad.. so bad that you dont even bother to fix it.. and now, instead of a certain kind of emotion you feel fear, having phobia of the one thing that brings joy.. and you know it brings joy.. but somehow, this little voice inside of you is asking you to let-it-go, but you've got no guts at all.. feeling too afraid to try something new... however, that feeling doesnt fade, you know you want it, you feel it, that tingling feeling inside of you, but you're ignoring it.. not wanting to feel more of it you shut yourself up... and then you realise that the more you run the stronger the tingling feeling grows.. not being able to escape it you dont know what to do anymore.. neither do you feel like talking about it.. it sucks, it sucks knowing that you're entitled yet deprived.. it sucks feeling good about it and yet fear it.. its all so contradicting.. but theres always this idiot.. you know who you are..

~the time has come to move on to the next phase of life

2010-04-11T12:22:00.000+08:00

oh yes! new phase of life starts in ... 5-4-3-2-1 ! tomorrow! (: yippie eie yeah! well, i was just watching my graduation day video and it struck me, why was i so eager to leave secondary school? when i could have enjoyed and savoured every moment, but instead i was pretty much anticipating my new life after that.. poly. now that i'm gonna b an official poly student tomorrow, i kind of miss secondary school.. it seems so far away.. like it happened not last year, not last last year, but it feels like it happened and ended many years ago.. although memories are still fresh, but it doesnt seem like i was just in school 6 months ago. 6 months may not seem like a long time, but it was hell! Well, actually, yea! it was hell! I couldn't wait to start school, and at the same time i pretty much wanna return back to the secondary school life i once knew.. ohwell.. whats the point of whining?? i still got my friends dont i? (: (:

I seriously think that if I seriously sit down and try to remember all those fun, nice, stupid, sad, angry and happy times of my secondary school life with my group of crazy friends I could write a book! *Time to let go Abi and move on* I keep telling myself that everything will b alright, my friends and i will stay in touch. (:

so.. i've been working since the end January, from Bakery to Hewlett Packard (HP).. and my last 9 days at Hewlett Packard were spent with... ... ... He An!!! (:

picture momento! (: yea, 9 days of work with him, doing Utilization study and meeting rooms housekeeping.

~keep your eyes of prejudice away

2010-04-04T21:35:00.000+08:00

whoever has a heart, with blood flowing through their body, regardless misshapened or not, is a human being.. it doesnt matter the colour of their skin or where they come from.. the eyes of prejudice of people nowadays are just so..... i just feel like saying "take a look at your naked self in the mirror and tell me that you're physically flawless.." tell me that no one has ever said anything bad about your race or religion or the colour of your skin or even where you come from.. i've heard that chinese are stingy/selfish.. malays are rude/idiots/etc... indians are smelly/'dangerous' ... foreigners are stupid.. dumb blondes, short asians, small eyed chinese, blacks, etc.. it sounds horrible. who are you to judge.. well, i'm saying this because i've heard too many.. it might not have been about my race and religion, chinese and christian by the way, and i'm proud to be.. i think that faults should go to everyone, including me.. me not because i'm racist, but because when there was a chance to speak up for these people i did not.. not that i was invited or actually asked to speak up for them.. but i could have defended them when i hear people speak of them like that.. i've seen people quickly covering their noses when an indian walks past them.. and some even cover their childs noses and say "they're smelly.." i mean! come'on! teaching a child such ethnics?? no wonder the world is becoming like this.. i have friends who are malays, indians, chinese, mixed blood, blondes, filipinos, americans and asians.. whats wrong with that?? i just can't seem to accept the fact that there are adults who are teaching children racism.. aren't you a human being too?? how would you feel being the inferior race?? Adlof Hitler again?? the "pure aryan" race... oh come'on! anyways.. i've finished ranting.. (: but just take a look at the

~trust just isnt in my dictionary

2010-04-02T07:32:00.000+08:00

i would never be able to comprehand the facts to why some people can have relationships over and over again, getting hurt the same way over and over again, listening to the same honey coated words from different guys knowing that it's just another lie and melt in their arms.. i'm not here to criticise those people.. in fact, i'm not talking about anyone in particular..

TRUST, it's important.. it's important to have it among family members, it's important to have it among friends, it's important to have it between a couple.. but how? how to trust someone, knowing that these people in general are the Earth's best sweet talkers?? (not sales people) in general simply means everyother one, not everyone.. there are good and trustworthy ones and i happen to know them... for those who still cant get what i'm talking about, i'm talking about boys.

some boys think that courtship is a simple thing.. some boys think that it's just another girl to go after to kill time, some boys take it seriously.. unfortunately the latter's percentage is the lowest among all.. or... i'm just too "lucky" not to have know more of them.. //

anyways... it's 10 days till school starts! yay! a new year in a new school, new friends, new problems, new challanges, new victories.. (: and as stated in my previous post... .... i'm going to school with evelyn!! yay! (: the anticipation is simply killing me! i cant wait to see my new found friends whom i met on facebook! (: i can even hear my heart beating, i can feel it at the back of my throat! so many questions! will i be able to cope in poly?? will i be able to keep in touch with my friends who have been so cruelly separated from me?? will i make friends for keeps?? will i lose any new found friends?? will evelyn and i keep up with all these new things, new friends?? *jumps and down*

alright..so today.. i'm planning to go to Changi Broadwalk to take photographs and at the same time make it a family outting.. (: yay..

~sayonnara~

p/s: we shall see how much effort you put in

2010-03-28T20:00:00.000+08:00

Alright.. it's 15 days till the first day of school and I'm just so darn happy! reason being... cause i have a certain someone going to the same school as me.. yes, Republic Poly.. (: and that certain someone is.... ...... no... not a cute guy, much less justin bieber! *infatuation* HER name is Evelyn!!! (: see the picture above?? yea... that's my best friend! we've been friends since sec 1 and now we're off to tertiary together! (: yay-ness! alright.. so.. i'm gonna start work tomorrow and time is gonna pass really fast.. soon it'll be the 9th of april and then 3 days later school commences! yippie eie yeah! (:

~sayonnara~

我想念。。。

2010-03-26T11:05:00.000+08:00

我非常想念用话语写字了。。也非常想念写作文和公函。。更加想念上学的时候。。没想到我那么快就会在理工学院上学。。没有校服，没有好朋好友陪我上第一天的课。。又要从新学交朋友了。。

alright alright.. may be it would be much better if i use English eh... haha!! (: yes, my chinese sucks.. but i love using chinese to write cause the meaning is so much deeper.. well.. as for english.. boombastic/sophisticated words or, in other words, wise sayings would have much deeper meaning huh.. writing in chinses looks nicer though... however, my favourite lanuguage other than english is cantonese.. nei sek zor mei? (have you eaten?) how nice does it sound?? VERY!

okok, you know what?? it's becoming moot... i dont really have anything to post but i have to... cause my blog has been.. lets see... BORING??!!

alright.. i was called back to work yesterday.. well.. i start again on monday, for 5 days.. and and and!! He An is working with me!! yay!! finally with someone i know.. (:

~sayonnara~

p/s: i know for a fact that you're all for keeps.. (:

i feel drained of all my energy

2010-03-19T21:24:00.000+08:00

it seems like i'm the only one who was robbed of my trust.. it seems like i'm avoiding you.. it seems like history is repeating itself... although we've known each other for over a year.. but so what?? either i'm reading you wrong or you're being very clear with your actions.. thats it! i dont care if it wouldnt come true after i let-it-out.. afterall, it doesnt matter.. what does the picture above tells you? happy girl? strong girl? optimistic girl? i am.. i know i am.. its just a matter of where my breaking point is... but it's apparent that i've passed my breaking point a long time ago.. i've became an emotionless girl.. just an empty shell.. it is said that when a person loses trust in another, it simply means that the other has also lost trust in that person.. i trust many people, friends, family, bestfriends, classmates, schoolmates, teachers, etc. however, when an ordinary friend becomes something else the trust is gone.. no.. i'm not good enough a catch for any guy.. it was just the thought of a friend of mine who has changed boyfriends like changing clothes in her closet.. so, one day i asked her, "dont you get sick of all those lies?" and her simple answer was "he is going to be my last" ... like.. where have i heard that before.. no offence to those who are attached, but its just a pack of lies.. now you see why i dont trust after stage one... the hurt was unbearable, the honeyed coated words repeating in my mind constantly, reminding me of all the lies i believed.. i was no doubt gullible, naive and stupid to the utmost extend... no physical hurt just the usual, typical emotional hurt.. so yea, my friend's way of operation got me thinking..

~sayonnara~

tell me when, why and how

2010-03-17T08:59:00.001+08:00

up till today i can't help but sometimes wonder if you were really true.. i bothers me cause you're so near and yet so far. you seem to have gotten into one of the good books and the bad books of another.. so who are you? good or bad? understanding or misunderstood? i always thought that people of the same category could never be friends, am i right or is it just a misconception?? i wish i could have someone pass you this message of mine, but i would be a total fool to do so.. cause i know that that someone wouldn't believe me and speak up for you. somehow rather i've gotten myself into the bad books.. i know what i did.. i know the reason why.. it's simply because i was seen together with a person of nasty character to the majority... and i belong to the minority, therefore was oblivious to the fact that this person was an idiot! irresponsible and apparently a coward.. i ruined my reputation despite the fact that i felt that this person couldn't be trusted, and yet i trusted him so much. though i must say that i've carried on with life, many things still bothers me and i know for a fact that i will never know the truth.. somehow i really wish that i'm wrong about you. somehow i wish that you're really good.. cause from what i see you only treat those people whom you think are people good cause they agree with you.. i know how much i disagreed with you cause it sounded stupid and i was and i am glad that i didnt have an additional passe that i could have at some point in time.. it's just the simple fact that we cant seem to get along anymore or am i just being paranoid?? theres no way i would confide this in anyone.. reason being, i dont wanna be sent to IMH.. i dont wanna lose it all.. but i know that there are people who will stand by me.. it just so happens that you're army of who-knows-what is larger and apparently more unpredictable..

just a little thing called surprise to make the year a little better

2010-03-12T20:31:00.001+08:00

lets see.. i've a poem for my friends and i might just post it on facebook.. but since i havent posted anything on my blog for so long i might as well.. (:

here goes..
Fame and fortune I have none,
A list of many I can't achieve,
A list of none I have achieved.
But all I have and all i need,
Is none that you can give,
Cause' all I have & need,
Is deep deep inside of me,
Friends for me to keep.

alright, it seems to me that i can't upload any pictures at the moment.. darn.. another day then.. (:

~sayonnara~

working part-time

2010-03-01T20:51:00.002+08:00

i'm craving for coffee!!!!!!!! (: alright, i've been working and some negative vibes somehow slipped through my body, mind and soul.. darn.. anyways.. i've learnt that no matter what happens life goes on, no matter how utterly disappointed you are in something/someone, life goes on. no matter how much a let down you are to yourself and those who love you dearly, life goes on. so how does life goes on?? when you see the sun shine, when you feel your heart beating, when you know that there is something out there to make your day bright. (: i've been picking up a new practice recently, everyday at the end of a day, regardless good or bad, i think of what i've learnt. so, i'm gonna share what i learnt today. i've learnt that no matter what happens life goes on, put on a geniune smile to everyone cause everyone deserves something/someone to make their day. so why not me?? right? (: here's one for you! (: yay! no more negative vibes!

i've been working at HP building, Depot rd. (: it's a temp. job, doing utilization and such.. my last day of work is this wednesday!! ~~(i'll do anything, just let me go)~~ well, not so bad.. (:

and yes! i got my enrolment package already! (: happy! (: i really can't wait to go to school! a whole new phase awaits me.. i wanna quickly end this chaper and turn to a new one, with old characters in it of course and not to forget the new ones too! (:

i just love this song.. the lyrics mean a lot cause apparently, i've been through it and it's a good let out song! (:

~sayonnara~

p/s: i dream of a band and dancers behind me while i sing for a crowd of cheering audience.

p/s p/s: i'll do anything, please dont deprive me from what may very well be keeping me alive.

new experiences

2010-02-23T19:59:00.001+08:00

hmm.. lets see... change of plans to my supposedly wonderful week... -.- darn.. but anyways.. can't avoid the inevitable.. ISS called me back.. yes, the interview I went to about 2 weeks ago.. they called me back and i figured since it's just for 5days, i might as well gain the experience and get the extra money that might come in handy.. so yea.. (:

have i mention that.... I LOVE MY LIFE?? now i am.

2010-02-22T11:02:00.001+08:00

it's..................................... another............................. 52......................................... days........................... till..................................... the 15th of......................................... April!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yippee eie yeah! (: which also means the first day of school! (i think.. thats according to the website's calendar) anyways... I love this week.. Because it's packed! Okok.. Almost packed.. Today: dental check up + dinner with Poelmans. Tomorrow: lunch + 'study' with Evelyn, Munyee and Benjamin. Wednesday: AES Girl Guides. Thursday: Free day. Friday: Valentine's day movie with Munyee, Evelyn, He An and Sean. Saturday: Choir practice. Sunday: Church. See! Packed! yippee eie yeah!

I'm so excited about going back to school! As in, it's a brand new school, with brand new friends! So yea. I've been bored.. It's just so recently that I've got activities lined up for me. Anyways.. I have to prove to daddy that I won't take advantage of this 'so called freedom' that I'm feeling.. Personally, I feel like I can do more things, there's no more "darn, I'm grounded" kind of feeling.. so yea.. but who knows what might happen when school re-opens.. With or without grounding, I doubt I would have time for my social life! Firstly, RP has loads of project work cause' it's based on a self-learning kind of thing, a presentation everyday and such. Secondly, CCA or interest groups, is compulsory! No CCA no University, or so I've heard. Apparently, my cousin's cousin, didn't take up a CCA in poly and no university would take her in. So it's that bad.. Therefore.... with project work/presentations + CCA = no time for social life.. That's just my guess.. and I hope that I'm wrong about this.. cause' i'm so hoping for extra time.. but! a day has only 24 hours, 8 hours for sleeping, 3 hours for meals, 2 hours for travelling, thats 11 hours left. Alright, I shall end here! (:

~sayonnara~
p/s: 2 days from now tomorrow will become yesterday

the messed up girl since the dawn of time

2010-02-18T17:47:00.001+08:00

lets see.. I've been messing up myself.. i feel so stupid! I've been acting all weirdish-stupid.. and i don't know why.. other than that cny was great.. (: bought new clothes.. (: oh well.. whatever.. other than being stupid and having a great cny, i'm gonna go insane! if only this thing called ( fill in the blank ) doesn't exist.. but then again, if it doesn't exist i don't think the word 'happiness' would be invented in the beginning. may be I'm reading too much into it, but then again there's always the opposite, which is not reading enough into it.. urgh.. this sucks! this is THE longest and most agonizing crush situation ever! urgh.. if i could have hit my head harder and suffer a concussion and lose my memory! yayaya... not facing reality.. sadly, i am and still have to face reality.. sigh.. alright.. anyways.. something in the mail turned my mood around.. a letter from Mun Yee, wishing my family and I a happy and prosperous new year! (: and on the plus side daddy went to Starbucks with me to satisfy my coffee craving! lets hope the stupidity period is gonna be over soon..

single and loving it

2010-02-13T09:50:00.001+08:00

woohoo! Valentine's day tomorrow! and i'm a single enjoying Valentine's day.. personally, to me, Valentine's day can also be celebrated among close friends.. Be it single or attached, you're not deprived from celebrating Valentine's day. (: working life was alright.. after LTA i went to Qiaonan primary and MOE. (: honestly? i prefer studying so much more! working may be fun and of course you would enjoy it's perks such as going home late, making new friends and of course earning money... but the kind of people i met at work and school are totally different, not in terms of age though.. the types of people i meet.. in school the worse would be those who slanders and spreads rumors about you and makes life miserable, and they're most probably disliked by everyone.. however, at work, the worse was someone who thinks that she is the boss of me.. she may be a senior but i didnt enjoy working with her.. her attitude and the way she talks makes you wanna give her up-down-left-right -.- seriously.. another thing about working is the interview.. i've been to quite a number of walk-in interviews and they werent as bad as the last one i went to. my god-dad arranged for me an interview regarding a part time post as a receptionist at ISS.. so i went there for my interview.. and damn that interviewer.. no offence though.. she sucked a great deal! she made me feel so uncomfortable! and she asked stupid questions like "why did you choose AES as your school?" so i explained that MOE choose that for me out of my 6 choices.. and she couldnt understand! -.- damn. well.. overall.. i stayed as calm as i could and be polite to her.. i'm no longer in school where i can easily find people to stand up for me.. so i walked out of the building hoping that she wouldnt call me back! and yay! dream come true.. (: so many types of people out there..

~sayonnara~

2010-02-06T10:41:00.000+08:00

2 more days to work and i've still gotta work again.. i've been working at a bakery along Upper Serangoon Road and i've got 2 more days there! yay! (: no offence though.. i dont like working there very much.. it seemed like a very good idea at first cause i asked a group of friends to join me.. but it ended up being me alone working.. -.- suckish.. like seriously.. my first 3 days were in the kitchen helping with the production and such, thereafter, i was sent to do road shows.. i've been doing road shows for 4 days.. Infineon, Hougang Primary and LTA.. road shows were alright though.. the 2 days at infineon were not as good compared to Hougang Primary and LTA.. not in terms of sales.. (: alright.. pictures!

Infineon pass and lunch! (: day 1

HPS, day 3, the poster was found in the teacher's lounge.

Arh.. i remember the canteen food when i was in primary school. haha (:

day 4 at LTA.. i just couldn't resist buying these 2 rings!

there were also other stalls set up there.. so yea.. (:

my fav. is the smiley face! (:

2010-02-05T08:37:00.002+08:00

Valentine's day is just around the corner.. so i thought i might post some of the poems i wrote.. mind that some of those are just edits from movies or books. (:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
This is cliché,
But I really love you.

Happy Valentine’s my dear,
I want to hold you tight and near,
Thank you for all your love,
Be my valentine again next year.

Star light star bright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
That (insert name) will be my valentine tonight.

Oh (insert name) (insert name),
Wherefore art thou (insert name),
Deny not my request to be thy valentine.
For if thou deny I shall be depressed.

~sayonnara~

2010-02-02T08:13:00.000+08:00

~~iwishicouldjustgoandi'llvisitonceinawhileithoughtiwouldenjoyitbutapparentlyidontsomehowitjustdoesntfeelright~~
it's like saying, i've got only one pair of hands and i can only wear a set of gloves.. why would i want two sets of gloves to wear at one time? so this is it.. it sucks going through a period of thoughts and at the same time not being able to enjoy what i like doing.. it might not be the people though, it's just the feeling from day 1.. it just doesnt feel right.. and what makes it worse is that i'm facing it alone. who am i gonna share this with when i dont even know the root of the problem.. not to even say the root, i dont even know what the problem is... all i know is that i feel strange this time round.. it aint the same anymore.. or have i left my comfort zone? is that why? anyways.. i'm not gonna continue ranting here.. so yea.. more updates after i finish working! (:
~~sothatsiti'mnotgonnapursueitanyfurtheri'mjustgonnatrytobesanguineallthetimethereandmakethebestoutofit~~

~sayonnara~
p/s: i've found me at where i lost myself

2010-01-31T22:45:00.000+08:00

I simply don't understand why.. I dont understand how I can do this... it's like I want and I don't want, like I yearn and i disgust! just another roller coaster or just another feeling of mine.. 6th sense? narh.. it's different..

**i shall end here.. i'm getting tired**

p/s: i wish i could tell you but it's just not time.. but somehow i feel that you know and may be, just may be you are doubting just a little bit.

2010-01-30T08:25:00.000+08:00

i was just looking back in the year 2009.. and i saw my target for O levels.. well.. compared to what i have... ... BIG difference.. plus i have changed my mind about the courses.. i started out wanting to become a doctor, then i wanted to specialize in medical research, later on i thought of being a lawyer so i was contemplating... JC or poly.. after that, i read about pharmaceutical science.. -.- darn... cause' doctor, researcher, pharmacist, the difference is big! just imgaine all these changes happened in 2009, not over the years.. in merely a few months. ohwell.. at least now i'm happy with pharmaceutical sciences at RP.. (:

~~justtellmewhyikeptseeingyou,tellmewhyyou'reback,whenyou'rereadypleaseexplainwhydidyoudothat~~
i know what i heard, i know what i saw, but i dont know what i felt. a somewhat neutral and yet bitter kind of feeling, confused yet sure of what i want.. all because of your artificial presence. i dont wanna go back to where i was a year ago.. somehow after we took different paths at the junction i lost myself along that road.. hoping my soul will find me before it finds the 'light' ... thereafter, i found a newer, happier me but somewhat cocky.. i'm happy with that though.. all i wanna know is why..
~~isimplydontunderstandwhyyouhadtodothat,allthoselies,althoughyoumeannothingtomeistillwannaknow~~

~sayonnara~

2010-01-27T10:41:00.001+08:00

yay!!! yippie eie yeah! (: I am going to Republic Poly, taking Pharmaceutical science! (: gosh! (: i'm gonna love it!

~sayonnara~

2010-01-26T09:40:00.000+08:00

i've never felt like that in a long time.. or may be i've never felt like that before.. for the first couple of months i managed to kept it from the world.. then came that day when i wanted to let the cat out of the bag but i didnt let it out to you.. continue trying to let it out to you, but whenever i try to, i re-think and told myself "no" . this little thing has been going on for several months now.. within this period i've felt all kinds of emotions.. i struggled to know where i really stand.. and now i do know.. i wanna let you know so bad, but i'm just afraid that things might change for the worse.. i wanna keep this thing called friendship we have, but i'm too afraid to lose it.. at times i wonder if you're guessing on your own.. does my actions affect you, does my actions attract your attention? this thing i feel here, i've felt it before, but this time it's different, i know. the last time i felt it, i was immature.. i was irrational.. i was stupid.. but i kept that friendship.. i know it's not time yet cause' it's too early in the year.. i'm expecting drastic changes.. anyways... thats it i suppose..

~~xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx~~

oh gosh! yesterday was a great day! i finally feel that i've pass the screw up period.. so yesterday.. daddy and i left for Jln Riang at 10.30am and reached there by 10.50am.. help Uncle Pat deliver goods to 6 places.. delivery ended at 2.30pm.. gosh.. daddy and i haven't eaten anything since morning.. planned to have lunch but then we had to collect a wooden plank for the house and a last minute delivery to woodlands.. by the time we finished it was already 4.40pm.. reached home with dinner for my sis and nanny at 5.30pm and left home with my dad and bro for dinner.. gosh! i haven't felt that hungry in a long time! the last time i remembered was when............................ .........when......... during O level intensive studies.. gosh.. well.. thats about it..

~sayonnara~

p/s: i cant wait to know where i'll b posted to!

2010-01-19T21:28:00.000+08:00

if given the appropriate time and a chance to really talk to you, i would probably tell you the truth, as it is now, i cant. i doubt that you even know what is happening though.. and even if you guess so, i also doubt that you would ask me for my answer.. i've never really gave a big hint ever since i was.... lets just say 'not wanted as the category' .. and thereafter i don't drop any huge hints anymore.. a kind of fear probably.. but then again it seemed like you were also... ... even if so, how was i supposed to know for sure? there were so many fears going on on my mind then... but it has been so long since then... now that i've known you better, and i'm still getting to know you more.. and somehow, a part of me is telling me not to... telling me that what if my judgement is wrong again.. should i take the risk? should i continue going forward? test the water or will i be playing with fire? but i cant ask you all this... i dont want to know your answer cause you may not know.. anyways.. apart from that, i'll be returning to AES tomorrow.. (: gonna give out CNY samples to the teachers.. ohyes, in case anyone wants to know the cakes and CNY treats that i'm selling they're halal certified, so, no worries.. (:

~sayonnara~

2010-01-16T18:45:00.000+08:00

sometimes the simpliest of things would be sufficient to paint a smile on your face, sometimes all it takes is a single person to be there, sometimes all you want to simply drift into dreamland and have the time of your life. all it takes to put a smile on your face.. and when it happens you seem to be unable to wipe it off your face.. and all you want to do is sit down facing the window and begin smiling at yourself.. even if it's for absolutely nothing.. i haven't felt like this in a long long long time.. i hardly smile ever since.... God-knows-when... i absolutely love this sanguine feeling of mine.. it's like reading Heidi all over again, but better.. and it was only yesterday when i felt just the same as every other day.. no smiles, no daydreaming, no happy feeling for absolutely no apparent reason.. but it's all different now.. (: (: (: oh gosh.. i hope this lasts.. but regardless, i'm gonna enjoy everybit of my joy! (:
-------------------------------------------------------------------
alright... counting down:
5days till Jocelyn's birthday
11-13days till the release of posting results.
11days till Junpeng's birthday
69 days till my birthday! yay! (:

about posting. sigh.. i really hope that i can get my first choice, which is pharmaceutical science at RP.. urgh.. whatever other people say.. that RP isnt good or anything.. doesnt matter at this point.. all i want is to do well and then move on to NUS! (:

thats all for now.. (:
~sayonnara~

2010-01-14T17:55:00.001+08:00

i changed my hairstyle and i'm satisfied with it.. cause i wanted a whole new look.. (: hehes.. so here it is.. (:

2010-01-13T11:54:00.001+08:00

hello everybody! (: so.. CNY is just around the corner, if any of you is planning to buy CNY treats for your guest please visit : http://www.yummiliciouscakes.blogspot.com/ the prices are stated there. (:

sigh.. now i can say that 5 years of secondary life is finally over and we're all moving onto the next phase of life.. i'm definitely gonna miss all my friends.. i'm gonna miss all the good times we had.. so.. i have another add on to my New Year's Resolutions.. Other than being more sociable and staying sanguine, i want to make the best effort to keep my friends.. All of them, be it from primary school, secondary school, PLTC camp, WOS, or even church.. I amazed myself by making new friends last year with He An and Sean. this once in a blue moon kind of thing don't come around so often.. so i'm gonna make it happen! (: salvaging friendships before they're beyond repair, re-bond with old friends whom i was close with nearly a million years ago and making new friends.. (: i want to keep the friendship i share with so many people now.. and i've already told some of them that we HAVE TO make time to have at least a lunch.. (: 2010 is definitely going to be exciting! (:

~sayonnara~

p/s: certain things are more fragile than it looks

2010-01-12T19:11:00.000+08:00

hello everybody! (: hmm.. my O level results? narh. not as expected, worse than expected actually, but then i've gotta make the best out of what i have and get the best out of it.. (: i will update my posting status.. (: so.. i wasn't as tense as i was during the release of my N level results.. so yea, i kind of expected that i would be half a goner.. oh well.. at least i can qualify for RP.. last resort though, but at least i can use my last resort. (: and there are courses that i like.. yay! (:
the thing i'd miss most would be my friends.. well.. i feel so stretched.. cause i have friends all over.. at RP, SP and NP.. and i missed them so much.. anyways.. i shall and i will make time for my friends.. actually, i'm happy, i managed to salvage a friendship dispite the rumors, and i managed to re-make friends.. (: this year will definitely be a better year.. i can feel it! (:

~sayonnara~

2010-01-08T14:39:00.000+08:00

went to republic poly today.. (: it was fruitful in a sense that i got to see the friends whom i miss so very much! and the person i miss most was there! arh!!! so happy to see her.. (: left home at around 11.15am and took a train down to woodlands then too 169 to RP.. reached there and hunted down Rina! haha.. almost got lost but didn't thanks to the sign boards put up.. (: took a breath of relief when i saw Rina! (: talked to her for little while then went to walk around.. walked to the school of engineering first, before even going in i saw this girl.. so familar!!! then she saw me and "arh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omgg!!!!!!!!" Amira!!! haha.. (: my primary school besty and phone buddy!!!!! i miss her so much... (: then after that i called Jinfang down to accompany me!! (: then while we were talking Sandy popped in and exclaimed "what are you doing here?!!!" narh, she wasn't angry, just shocked!.. after my tour i left.. and now i'm back home.. contemplating the next step i should take after results release on monday... sigh.. i can feel my heart in my throat already!!! well... more updates after i collect my results...

~sayonnara~

2010-01-04T21:45:00.001+08:00

ohyea! i'm heading down to AES tomorrow! (: i miss my juniors so much already! haha.. but then again, not as much as my friends.. i've been feeling so useless these few days.. like i'm a good-for-nothing piece of trash at home... sigh. what to do? ... bulid up self esteem lor..~ anyways.. np and sp's open house is nearing and i'm going.. hehes.. (: anyways.. today............. i went to the dentist to finish up my crowning... yay! finally! (: amazing how 1 tooth can make me go to the dentist several times, sitting there idle for hours and not to mention the money spent! apart from that.... results!!!! argh!!!!!! the anticipation is killing me man!

today i've learnt that life is fragile in many ways.. in terms of family, friendship, health and in a general form.. i've learnt where a single word can make a HUGE difference, and a small action can cause a person to change their mood.. today, here, on my blog.. i'm gonna tell you my new year's resolution.. open up to people easily and be more sociable, to be easily engaged in a new group ans stop being withdrawn... as simple as that... but most of all, stay optimistic! hehes (:

alright, i'm gonna have to end here... i dont wanna get stuck and then post a load of rubbish! (:

2010-01-02T22:17:00.000+08:00

feeling all grown up all of a sudden, feel as though it's time for me to pay... i feel like i've not done enough, and yet, previously i felt i've done so much more.. may be i was wrong.. i don't know when this happened, i don't know how this happened... but i know it happened, gradually getting my attention.. things used to be so easy, things used to be so straight forward... the complication accumulating, the formulas fading.. i don't know what to do anymore.. but i know that everything will fall into place and all i have to do i trust the Lord..
2010 feels so weird all of a sudden, like an anticipation eating me alive and i wanna get out of it.. but it seems sl thrilling too! the new things that i'm gonna face, but i'm positive that my 18th year will be great, even better than my 17th year... (: alright, today.. nothing much actually.. i've ran out of things to say, not to mention how mundane my diary is... gosh...
apart from that, i'm so excited about the release of my O level results! argh... but.. yes, but! but, i'm also afraid... sigh. ohwell... i should be returning to AES between the 2nd-4th day of sch... (:

i shall end here (:
~all the best to all of you in this year to come!~

2010-01-01T10:46:00.001+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2010 is finally here! a new year with new beginnings and endings, new challanges with more obstacles and with victories, that goes without saying.. (:
i can't wait for so many things! i can't wait to collect my results, i can't wait to know which school i'll be posted to, i can't wait for my 18th birthday, i can't wait to return to sec sch to visit my juniors and teachers! (: i'm kind of anticipating things... i personally feel that my 2010 will be better than my suckish love-hate 2009.. i'm glad i can move on to new things, and start new beginnings..

~sayonnara~

2009-12-31T13:06:00.000+08:00

yay! (: my fever subsided... (: i slept through the entire morning... but then... i've lost my appitite... sigh....
anyways... just a few more hours till 2010 commences! (: oh... i can't wait! another update tonight.. (:

~sayonnara!~

2009-12-31T07:04:00.001+08:00

my labels says it all... my whole family expect for my mum is sick! my siblings and i have vomited... urgh.... >.< ho ho! and i couldn't find a better picture than taking it... ohwell.... the saying goes "out with the bad and in with the good." it's early in the morning and both my siblings are down with fever... me? i haven't had a good night's rest.... my little bro fell sick late last night.. well.. so i stayed up.. he kept crying.. he vomited and cried and whined.. using a damp cloth didnt work after awhile.. this kept me up until 2am.. slept for awhile and he woke up again... 3plus we went back into the room, slept soundly until my bro turned and laid on me and i felt nauseous... so i was kept awake since... then i vomited... darn.... twice already, since this morning.. oh darn...

2009-12-31T02:01:00.000+08:00

gosh... it's finally the last day of 2009! (:
narh.. i think i'll skip the what happen and stuff...
oh gosh.. less than 24 hours and we're heading onto 2010!

more updates later... it's 2am!!!!

2009-12-30T17:28:00.000+08:00

argh!! suckish!!! i can't upload pics!!! darn.... so suckish!!!
anyways... apart from this suckish problem, I met someone really nice!
no no no... not infatuation if thats what you're thinking of...
cause' i was out buying groceries and it weighed a ton! me and my laziness to walk, so i decided to carry the trolley with my siblings up the stairs.. well.. i thinking "it's only on the second floor..." but stupid me! overestimated myself and we had a tough time going up 2 steps... not 2 slides of stairs, 2 steps... -.- so this nice uncle helped us... (: there are nice people around apart than our everyday friends.. (:

hmm... today i gave evelyn an advanced birthday surprise.. nope, nothing like yesterday... (: let's hope she likes it... (:
alright, i don't feel like blogging anymore cause this is so suckish!

2009-12-29T21:47:00.004+08:00

my dearest jasmine meimei is happy! yay..! (: haha... i fooled her into believeing that i forgot her birthday! haha... so i prepared her fav. cake! and fooled her into coming to my house! mua hahaha! (: i made her a birthday card too!!!! and now... hmm... if you are reading this before your birthday then good larh... let's hope you know who you are... haha!!!! (: i love surprises!! yippie eie yeah! (: well... it's just a couple more days till 2010 and i think i have a song with lyrics without melody for my dear readers... anyone kind enough to create a melody for me when i post my song with lyrics but no melody is most welcome to do so!! (:

well... i can't wait for 2010 man!!!!! i can finally leave my love-hate year and head on to a new year... a new year, a new piece of paper with new challanges and accumulating victories! Abigail wishes those who reads this blog/post and their families a happy new year and may the year 2010 be an even better year than this... (i think i'm going bersark again... hehes, happy-meter overload!!!!!!!!!!! arhhhhhhhh~~) yup! it's official! i'm going siao! haha... alright! goodnight!

~sayonnara~

the journey

2009-12-27T21:52:00.002+08:00

the journey: what journey you might be asking... well... i think my O lvl preparation journey is enough to kill your time reading it... the year started hectic! like seriously... afternoon classes and saturday lessons.... but there were all kinds of obstacles along the way, but i'm not here to talk about my non-related study obstacles.. (: i started the year with enthusiasm! note books were bought, and early revision before school reopened.. it was hectic! but as soon as lessons started i felt like i have learnt nothing thoughout my 4years in school... it as terrible, my 5th year and i felt like i've learnt nothing.. great! just perfect for the year of my MAJOR exams! like "what the heck!"
but as the year went on everything started to come back, the formulas and the ways to solve a problem was beginning to seem familiar, and as soon as things seem so 'perfect' , i lost it! new things were taught and it was all in a foreign language! "huh? .... die!" was my phrase of the season! everything written on the whiteboard was in a foreign language! it was an uphill climb, it wasn't easy, but i did it, i reached the peak! and grasped and applied! "yay me!" CA1. mid-year, prelims... i gotta admit, i sucked! seriously, it seemed like a dead end.. i felt like giving up, i felt like all my efforts went down the drain... and then one of daddy's phrase came to mind "if you working so hard and you miss it by a mark, then what's all the hard work for? you mid as well not study at all and end up at the same destination."
it really seemed like the end.. but i held on tight, i hanged in there and pushed myself like i've never pushed before.. the force and effort plus the pressure! waking up at 4am nearly everymorning and sleeping at 10.30pm everynight... and at the end of the week i collapsed without fail.. i would either cry or i would totally change my character.. but that was just for a couple of days... it was tedious! and finally... O lvls.... "doomed!" i told that to myself... days before my first paper (english), i cried.. i cried real bad! funny though... cause i was talking to daddy when i suddenly broke down... and it went on... but our conversation continued... hahahahaha! (: the day of O lvl.... i went into the examination hall neutral.. i was pretty pessimistic though... english? my strongest subject.. i feel like i suck at it despite my english speaking background.. but it was better as it went on.... i was more optimistic, i cried less and pushed harder but i would drift off just to let loose.... (:
to all those out there taking your O lvls next year, hang in there.. it'll be over soon... remember.. "put in ALL your effort, be sure to be confident.. remember what my daddy said" (: all the best! (: it'll be over soon... trust me.. (:

~abigail says her story~

2009-12-26T11:27:00.002+08:00

couldn't sleep last night, so daddy introduced Patch Adams to us.. it's a movie based on the true story of Dr. Hunter Patch Adams.. (: it was so touching! well, it's kind of like the book i read "Violet Travilla" ... alright that aside.. how was your christmas? (: hmm, i'm just glad that 2009 is coming to an end.. (: and 2010 is gonna be better! way way way better! challanges this year has taken half my life away... haha! (: anyways.. i'm gonna go for a wedding later! yay! pictures shall be uploaded as soon as i get home! (:

2009-12-23T19:00:00.003+08:00

its that feeling of fondness that absence brings that tells you that you're head over heels crazy in love, its the possibility of daydreaming with your eyes wide open after mid night that makes a smile appear on your face, its the sudden radiant glow on your face that tells people that you're in love and of course the light steps your feet brings.. smiling at almost everything, laughing to yourself.. and then at times wonder what love really is about.. is it that fondness that absence brings or the radiant smile? or may be even the crimson red colour that your cheeks shows when you-know-who appears.. your heart starts to beat fast and you're tongue tied, your mind goes blank and you don't know what to say anymore.. but then you know that it's true.. it has occurred to me that i'm gonna turn 18 soon! it's fast! really fast.. from being a little girl to growing up to be schooling in primary school and then PLSE comes and goes and secondary school starts, in a blink of an eye N lvls are over and done with and O lvls just ended.. a little while more and the results will be released.. 3 months till my 18th birthday! yippie eie yeah! (: i dont wanna talk about how 2009 has been for me, i think i've been traumatised enough for now.. haha (: staying optimistic still, same'O abi.. haha (: cause' eventually everything will turn out fine.. pieces of the puzzle will finally come together, eventually though, no matter how long it takes life goes on, so no point waiting, one step at a time.. (: and after the results are released it's either JC or poly.. it's gonna be fast! and adulthood here i come!! being a teenager had it's perks. but it was kind of suckish in certain aspects for me.. well, i cant expect everything to be perfect isnt it? [ i ought to sit in a corner and let myself drift away, i feel myself getting crazier after typing every word, but that can wait! ] teenage starts from 13-20.. i've gone through more than half.. just slightly more than 2 years more for me. the beginning was terrible! mood swings and such, not so much of PMS.. i rarely PMS.. (: hehes.. 13 years old.. hmm.. i was sociable enough to get by sec 1, i remember myself being blunt and loud, really loud.. it was terrible, but thank God it wasn't bad to a point where i would lose my new found friends then.. i remember being a perfectionist and a bossy leader.. i remember wanting things my way.. i remember getting into a heck load of trouble. hahaha! (: sec 2 passed by fast, then came sec 3.. hectic year.. a little suckish but it was alright, sec 4 was better and sec 5 i need not elaborate.. (: okok, i need to sit in a corner now! (:
~sayonnara!~

babysitting & youth camp

2009-12-20T09:19:00.004+08:00

hello! (: i'm back from camp.. although it might have been only for 25hours, it was fun.. alright.. so... 18th dec 2009.. i'm just gonna summarise (: reached church at about 8.50am and the work started, there were quite a number of children, sarah and her 3 gorgors, rosh and rei, jeremy and his little bro, arthur, another boy whose name i cant remember now.. grace. thats about it.. 10 children.. (: roda, hannah, caleb, nicholas and michelle were also there to help.. baby sitting was fun but tiring, but also enjoyable.. keeping the older kids quiet was a challange but it ended well.. later that day youth camp started at 8plus.. we had ice breaker games and then a short briefing on the think tank session we're gonna have the next day. by about 11pm we all headed down to the cheese prata shop for our supper! (: returned to church and bathed then played PIT! (: by the time i got to bed it was already 2.30am..

19th dec 2009.. woke up at 6plus got ready for 5bx.. 5bx was jogging to NUS and then uphill to kent ridge.. (i really should start working out.. :P) breakfast was followed after that.. mind games and then bible study and think tank.. it all lasted until about 3.45pm. later darren briefed us on the games, but roda and i only played until 4.45pm cause we went for choir practice.. well, we missed out on the wet games at west coast! but! i still got wet in the end! haha (: changed and we had ice cream and pizza! (: then i headed home.. now for some pictures! i shall get more from the others.. (:

2009-12-18T05:30:00.003+08:00

it's just a few hours till youth camp begins! (: yay! (: camp? i remember being a young girl and already wanting to go for camps. i remember that daddy brought me to my first camp when i was just 5 years old.. church was having their annual juniors teens camp at st john's island and daddy brought me along.. juniors teens camp age group is 10 to 14 years old.. and i was with people nearly 10 years older than me, i bunked with them, woke up to do PT with them and had breakfast with them.. and when they had games i would sit there and watch.. and sometimes for fun i was allowed to join in. during the games i would stay for awhile and then i had to go back to campsite and help out in the kitchen.. hey, who says 5 year olds cannot help in the kitchen? haha (: i would never forget my first camp.. and as i grew up i was finally old enough to be a camper! at the age of 8 or 9 i was attending my first OFFICIAL camp! (: i'm always in the spirit for camps.. 9 to 14 years old i attended every camp.. and nearly all of them were held at st johns.. sometimes it was held at church.. 14 years old was also the year i attended my first youth camp.. (: hey!!! so far my life is a montage of camps! anyways.. by 15 years old i was camp worker.. i was at first song leading and then in the games commitee.. other than church camps, school camps were fun too.. (: sec 1 oriantation camp, sec 2 NE camp, sec 3 advanture camp, sec 4 and sec 5 study camp and annual scouts and guides camp. of all these camps.. my most memorable ones are the ones held at st johns.. being a camper all i had to do was to listen to the gorgor and jiejie running the camp and planning games for us.. and my fav game of all time is the last night of camp.. war game!! (: when the sun goes down....... when the campfire is over....... when no one is tired despite all the games........ and the moon is up....... we get ready for war....... there was always 4 groups.. and 2 groups would join and combine.. war game had it's objectives, my fav was when we had to get the opponents banner.. we had to hide our banner, so some of us had to guard while others hunt for the opponents banner and the rest just wait to ambush! with water bombs in our hands.. we had P.O.W (prisonner of war), we had warriors.. haha (: and now that i have grown up, last year's junior's camp i was a worker and my sister was a camper.. and i was in the games commitee.. now i know how tough it is.. staying up late trying to get the games right, making sure that the campers would enjoy it.. going down to the park to check on our game site, sitting by the tap in the morning getting the water bombs ready.. it's a lot of work, but at the end of it the sense of satisfaction when the campers are having the time of their lives.. (: school camps... hmm.... my most unforgettable was sec 2 LTC camp.. it was held at pulau ubin, i love the high elements and the jetty jump! (: if my mum saw me doing that i think she would go bonkers.. anyways... i love camps.. and i'm hoping it wouldnt end so soon... cause i bet even when i'm 75 years old i'll still be attending camps!!!! haha (: we shall see.. alright, i shall end here and update more on sunday.. may be monday.. (:

2009-12-17T18:48:00.002+08:00

this year... 2009... well.. for me it's a love-hate year.. 2009 has taught me many things about friendship, trust, understanding and tolerance.. i hate this year cause of the countless conflicts, the countless fights and the countless misunderstandings.. you cannot imagine how stupid things can be.. the emotional roller coaster been though was terrible.. the headache and heartache.. the stress friends, teachers, family and studies has given me is undefinable, incomprehensible and unbearable.. the fights that happened between me and my friends were more or less inevitable.. but the fights were of the utmost stupid reason.. (: come to think of it it's really stupid.. i remember the FIRST fight with a friend of 5 years.. no names larh okay? (: this friend... hahahahahha... narh.. i'm not mocking this person, but that fight was stupid.. if you're thinking that i didn't forgive and forget, hell yea, you're wrong! (: i keep a diary.. and honestly, i wouldnt let anyone read my diaries.. not this year's one though.. cause it's just awful! you know the things a person writes when they're at the top of their anger and all kinds of thoughts flow in.. the things you wanna do then, the irrationality.. but thank God i wrote them down... cause reading it now, i'm glad i didnt do it.. i'm glad i didn't let my anger get the better of me.. this year came and is going fast.. i was blur about many things i wasnt myself.. i've said and done stupid things.. but hey! life is a montage of the stupid things a person does.. life is a montage of the failures they've been through.. life is a montage of the secret-good things a person does for another.. life is just another montage.. there is this saying "live life like there's no tomorrow and learn like there's always tomorrow"
for some reason, i love life quotations.. like what my blog title says "life's too short to let a little set back pull you down" it's true.. why live life in anger, being angry at every damn thing that you cant get right.. i used to tell this friend of mine that mistakes are made for you to learn what not to do again.. this friend of mine was afraid that i would end our friendship.. but this person no longer regards me as a friend.. but nonetheless, life goes on. (: people make mistakes all the time, but dont keep looking back on it.. cause you'll end up telling yourself "i should have done this!" "urgh! i shouldnt have done that!" but whats the point? whats done, done, can't be undone.. in life there are 3 things that cannot be taken back, 1) the stone after the throw, 2) the words after it has been said, 3) the hurt that has been inflicted.. rationalism is very important.. being trustworthy is important also.. have you ever thought that "urgh, she doesnt need my help, someone else will come to her aid.." but havent you thought that no matter how much you dislike that person or how that person is a stranger to you, that person still needs your help.. cause you'll be in that position too.. ( no one is indispensable ) whoa.. i started out with the year 2009 and now i'm here.. hehes (: anyways.. it's linked.. (: i suppose this is the typical life of a teenager who is trying to find herself.. someone who wants to find herself at where she last saw and then lost..

~sayonnara~
p/s: is this long enough?!

2009-12-16T18:57:00.002+08:00

i love this dreamy picture (: nothing much to update though.. (: more after i return from camp.. pictures promised! (:

2009-12-14T20:48:00.006+08:00

I was at People's Park food court yesterday.. and something struck me.. the fact that there are people out there eating left over food and it does not just happen in drama series or cartoons. it's real. and it became very real to me during lunch yesterday.. it's disheartening for me to see, cause i have an 88 year old nanny living with me. she has clothes to wear, food to eat and a rood over her head.. but this elderly i saw yesterday... only God knows how many clothes she has, how many times she eats a day and where she stays.. this elderly was waiting for people to finish their meal so that she has at least scraps to eat.. i didn't notice that she was hungry, i thought she only wanted to collect tin cans.. i only realised it when this family offered their bowl of yong tau foo, this bowl wasnt touched at all, although there wasnt any noddles, but the glow on the elderly's face was priceless.. it really strike me hard, so hard that i'm now aware that there really is people like that out there.. my eyes are opened wider, and i'm so much more luckier.. i have a family, i have an education and i have a job. i get to go to japan and such.. but it's still disheartening.. really... i know that there are poor people out there, but it never occur to me that it would be that dire... such desperate positions are actually filled, and i doubt they enjoy that... honestly? NKF and all that... i've kinda lost my trust and hope in them after that fraud.. spare the needy please.. singapore... sigh.. it's like 2 extremes.. 2 extreme ends of financial status, 2 extreme ends of compassion.. i hate to see this, but i can't think of anything to help at this point of time.. i'm in a position that i dont wanna be in, but i'm not in that dire state.. i still can carry on, but what about them? i'm young, but they're not. i can tolerate, how long more can they tolerate?
well.. i'll pray for them then, just to give my heart some peace..

2009-12-13T18:14:00.004+08:00

hmm.. lets see..

counting down :

>> 5days till youth camp

>> 11 days till Christmas Eve Performance

>> 12 days till Chrismas

>> 16 days till Jasmine's birthday

>> 18 days till Evelyn's birthday

>> 19 days till 2010 commence

>> approximately 1 month till the release of GCE O level results

today today today.. went to church and got a surprise! (: Rina was there! She hasn't come to church in a long long long long long time! but! i'm happy she's here today.. but then Roda went to visit her grandfather's grave.. anyways.. my cake business is alright.. (: i'm gonna go for door to door next.. i doubt i'll have flyers cause' i feel that door to door would be a better approach.. (:

2009-12-09T20:32:00.003+08:00

oh yes! had another sale today.. (: THANK YOU HE AN! haha (: no so bad though.. daddy and i thought of renting a push cart but its at $2600++++/mth! sigh...

well.. holidays has been boring so far... i can't believe that it has only been only nearly 1 month since the end of O levels... like..... so slow?! anyways.. no job yet.. well.. apart from selling cakes there's nothing much.. i miss JAPAN!!! >.< i miss my new found friends.. ohwell. i suppose i should make good use of my remaining holidays.. what to do what to do.. hmm... anyways.. VOGUE didn't call me back, so i suppose all i can do is wait for that recruitment agency to call and give me a few days of work..

~sayonnara~

2009-12-08T14:55:00.003+08:00

went to Lot 1 today, went into nearly all the retail outlets.. BATA, Ella, VOGUE, Popular, NLB, Kiddy Palace, BHG~ well.. VOGUE said that they'll call me back after reading my particulars.. gosh, i'm keeping my fingers crossed.. after that I went to Jalan Teck Whye to deliver the cakes that i'm selling. (: and once more, advertising for myself.. (: http://www.yummiliciouscakes.blogspot.com/

proper pictures of the cakes will be uploaded as soon as the pictures are sent to me. i personally, not being bias or anything, the cakes are really good, my favs are chocolate royaltine, durian, avocado and chocolate truffle. (:

2009-12-05T17:30:00.003+08:00

gosh.. i suppose i shall wait until monday.. and if there're no calls from any of the jobs that i have applied then i shall walk into any shop.. sigh.. i'm bored.. like seriously.. nothing much to blog though.. so far......... ......... i've been practicing my guitar.. (: i've just started picking it up again, so i'm kinda rusty at the chords.. from A to B to A to C to A to D to A to E to A to F to A to G... (: gosh.. can you imagine? i'm turning 18 soon! (: everybody is growing up.. (: growing up is so nice.. isn't it? alright, i suppose i should just end here before i bore anyone out.. (:

~sayonnara~
p/s: muster that ounce of courage? how much more time do i have?

2009-12-05T11:34:00.003+08:00

i feel like this flower which has not yet bloom... i won't sit and wait though, but i'm unsure of what to do.. if only i had a set of instructions, but then life wouldn't have life anymore..

2009-12-04T12:01:00.002+08:00

woke up at 8.30am this morning.. had a quick bath and left home for Jurong East CPF building.. went there with my cousin for a job interview.. a part time job, they'll call you and you'll work for several days at wherever they assign you at. There's waitress, retail, stock-take and packaging. (: sigh.. but God-knows-when they'll call me.. so I called World of Sports and they told me that they'll call me back regarding a part time job for me. (:

~sayonnara~
p/s: wondering if.... .....

2009-12-03T17:57:00.002+08:00

ohyes! I'm going for a job interview tomorrow at Jurong East at 10am! darn.. it's a packaging job.. (: i'm kinda excited.. yay-yay-yay-yay! (: hmm.. today today today.. went out with Evelyn, Munyee, Yaowei and Sean. (: okay larh... nothing much.. just jalan jalan then we had lunch.. (:

-----------------------------------

see the fish there? see the fish in a net? I don't wanna be like that fish again.. I don't wanna to trap myself again.. though I wanna be, but may be it's not destiny.. I don't wanna force to have my way again, thinking that it's the best for me.. No one knows what's best for me, no one knows when thats best to do whats best for me.. No one, not you, not me, not anyone else.. Even the fortune teller can't tell what's ahead for me, for you.. No $100 can buy that larh.. but then again, there are sayings that say " happiness is made out of your own two hands" , and other sayings that say, " No one knows what tomorrow holds, destiny awaits you." which saying is true, or which saying is best to describe my situation now? gosh, close your eyes, listen to that melody, see yourself in the future, with white clouds and blue skies.. with eyes closed I see myself on a green grass patch, eyes transfixed on the sky, with someone beside me to share this joy i hold within me.. ohyes, up till now, i still wish to go away for a day, sit at this place alone with the wind blowing against my face, i'll watch the sun from dawn to dask, and as it retires to behind the horizons i shall take my leave, board the bus and head home. (:

~sayonnara~

p/s: i don't need you to make me a happy girl.. whether or not it happens, it doesn't matter, not now, not ever.. (:

2009-12-03T10:29:00.002+08:00

hello everyone! (:
check this out : http://www.yummiliciouscakes.blogspot.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------
going out later.. (:
so far... the hols has been alright? i guess..
i'm still job hunting.. hmm...
gosh, i really need a job!
i really really need one.. like seriously...
no $$, plus i gotta start saving for my poly fees...
well.. i gotta contribute a little dont i? hees (:
gosh.. i can't wait for so many things.. i cant wait to get a job, i cant wait for christmas, i can't wait for new years day! oh yes! 2009 is FINALLY coming to an end! and i'm glad! glad that it's gonna be over.. suckish-goody year... but then again, tomorrow will definitely be better than today.. (: and 2010 will definitely be better than 2009..
~sayonnara~
remember to check that website out! (:

2009-11-28T18:42:00.005+08:00

i shall once again let the pictures do the talking.. TWPS gathering today.. more like a girls day out! haha (: definitely fun and definitely a more well planned gathering next.. (:

2009-11-28T09:12:00.002+08:00

good morning! (: hmm... nothing much happened these few days... other than going for a picnic with my friends later today, nothing special i guess.. i'm still on that job hunt.. darn... i really wanna find one where i dont have to work 6 days a week.. >.< sigh.. actually, reason being.. youth camp.. cant wait cant wait! (: but it's 3 weeks to youth camp... haiya.. is there a 5 day work week job? darn... sigh... sigh... sigh... and i'm even too lazy to change my blogskin... gotta find a job, wanna go out so bad man... how am i gonna survive 3 weeks?!

~signing out~

2009-11-25T17:01:00.004+08:00

you know sometimes when a situation seems so bad and you hope it gets back to how it used to be? well, why can't you just look at the brighter side of things? taking to you yesterday made me feel that either i have matured or you're being an idiot.. you kept saying how good things were previously before the change, but why can't you adapt? humans are the best adaptors.. and not for one moment you said "hey, why can't i just change my way of life?" so far all you wanted was things to compromise to the way you want it to be and you have never compromised.. sure you contribute to certain people for quite a large fraction of your life, but so what? there are people who appreciate it, but you simply don't stop to listen. all you do is rant. you think that you're the only one with problems unsolved and the problems of others are peanuts. you think that you're the only one in a predicament so bad and others are just being lame larh. you think that you're wise but there's a great deal for you to learn about life. i can't tell you what life is about, but i can tell you what life isn't about. life isn't about cursing and swearing, life isn't about standing at the sidelines watching people suffer in their own misery, life isn't about making a situation the best for yourself. life isnt about being better than others, but being the best that you can. i bet right now you wanna say "if i suffer and compromise to others and who does it for me?" you have people who love you, you have a family. reach out to them may be you can be able to salvage what you've lost. but what's the point of me tell you face to face, i'm typing this here cause i know that you'll read. [ at least i think you would ]

"I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you." John 14:18, i love this verse a lot. it makes me realise that when i don't feel like going to people for help i still have God to rely on.

~sayonnara~ (:
p/s: i'm a happy girl today

2009-11-24T13:28:00.003+08:00

prom night was better than i expected.. (: well.. at least better than how i thought it would be.. well.. let the pictures do the talking! (: didnt take much pics.. blaghs.. (:
a proper post next time.. (: ENJOY!

2009-11-22T18:34:00.003+08:00

today is the last day i put myself through deep thinking.. today i've realised that i was right long ago, right about simplicity.. and simplicity is definitely the way to go.. why rack brains about something so minor, though minor things can make a significant change.. but not thinking about it makes it better, you need not fine the best way, you need not sit and contemplate about what life is all about.. just live life the way it is.. one day at a time, one step at a time.. have fun when you're supposed to and be serious when there is a need to.. i feel anxiety and fear about the days ahead.. release of O lvls results and other general aspects.. okok.. i had better stop all these thinking.. i'm happier this way.. (: well.. about today.. nothing much... prom night is tomorrow and i'm e-x-c-i-t-e-d! i've got my dress, shoes, watch, earrings and purse.. (:

2009-11-20T22:13:00.003+08:00

天啊。。真的很闷！又闷又烦。。
gosh.. i think i better head back to getting down to my own research about the meaning of road names... i've been doing cross stitch for way too long! 2days in a row.. my head hurts.. it's as though i'm spinning round and round... how i wish i could just drop.. *poof* i've been feeling frustrated lately.. nothing much i guess... might go out with jasmine next week... find a job soon.. gosh.. i sound so pathetic... pfft... anyways.. i doubt i would be blogging for awhile.. doesnt seem like anyone is around reading or anything...

~sayonnara~ (:

2009-11-19T17:59:00.004+08:00

bought cross stitch yesterday and today to kill time... darn.. it sucks being at home.. well.. the next outting would be orchard ion, kallang and we're still thinking... it's seriously down right boring... i haven't plan to work yet.. soon though. i wanna have some fun with my friends before i kill myself with work.. *exaggeration* narh.. i think i might just work as a roller blading instructor... or whatever that comes by.. no obligations no nothing.. i would love to try something other than sales.. sigh! a serious case of nostalgia today... i dont know what's wrong.. but it felt great going back in time.. everything was so much calmer back then... the clouds goes pass you so slowly.. you hear the wind sing.. you see the grass dance.. but now.. now it's okay larh... days pass pretty slowly.. me on the couch doing my cross stitch... me on the chair practicing my guitar.. me on the computer trying to have some kind of inspiration.. all kinds of stories, all kinds of poems/lyrics.. you know? right now.. i feel kind of weird.. a weird weird kind of weird.. like seriously... like something is missing, like i've forgotten something or even someone... like a part of my brain is missing or something.. i dont like this weird weird feeling.. suckish.. suckish freakish feeling.. sickish eekish weirdish feeling.. mind throbbing, heartbreaking, bones cracking, eyes bulging feeling... werid... like something is gonna happen... something untoward? dire situation? mind throbbing, heartbreaking, bones cracking, eyes bulging situation? i feel crazy-weird.. well.. imaginations running wild is one thing.. but this is different.. like 6th sense sits in kind of feeling.. i feel like screaming but i dont feel like making any noise, i feel like hitting the wall but i dont fell like moving at all.. so contradictory...

2009-11-18T18:05:00.002+08:00

went to the tree top walk again.. but this time with Evelyn.. Munyee didn't go with us.. sigh.. the walk was fine.. we finished walking to Henderson Waves at around 12.20pm and then took a bus down to Vivo for lunch and jalan jalan... then i headed home by 2.30pm.. (: prom is in 5days! (: still stuck at home... haven't plan for any outtings yet... sigh... down right bored! and i've absolutely nothing to blog about other than blogging about how bored i am...
~signing out~

2009-11-16T06:34:00.004+08:00

i woke up at 6.30am this morning... and i'm now blogging.. i kind of miss those days waking up extra early and i'll be at school by 6.30am.. my friends and i would sit at the courtyard and nobody would be there... life in sec 1 and 2 was innocent... it was the growing stage, how you would turn out to be mostly depended during then, cause' that was when it was most influential.. who your friends are, what kind of person they are, were important.. u still remember 'four girls' like... four girls always together be it in class, during recess or during cca... and then there was 老地方。。a place we sat and do nothing, a place we had fun, a place we had the stupidest fights.. up till now, the stupidest fight was during sec 1.. hahahahahhahhaha!! trust me, i CAN'T elaborate here, it's erm............ gross... there were many stupid fights... first time i encountered "trouble" was in sec 3.. there were countless confrontations.. countless accusations.. countless cold war.. countless patch ups... to me.. sec 3 was when i learnt to treasure friendship, the most important ones, i learnt to take a step back and compromise.. though in sec 3 my girls and i were separated, they took D&T and i took POA, we still get together after school, during recess, went to school together and such.. **it has been such a long time since i actually went out with them, like shopping and such.. like a real outing..** then came sec 4.. N levels... there were of course still fights, cold war and patch ups.. sec 4 was quite calm.. not much confrontations, lesser frictions.. it was okay... (: we helped each other to get through the stress period and such.. it was a busy year.. despite my busy schedule i found time towards the end of N levels to indulge myself in a relationship for 6.5months.. sec 5.. this year.. i love-hate this year! it had its perks and its downside... which sucked a great deal! r/s aside... as for studies.. i felt like i studied really hard and i felt like i slacked really hard too... suckish... urgh.. it's kind of annoying cause at times i feel so darn scared, scared to a point i can really pull my hair out.. and at other times it seems like nothing.. and the remaining times are just neutral... i love-hate sec 5 cause i fought only ONCE with junpeng... yes! it's a big deal cause he's my listening ear, apart from my closer girlfriends.. well.. this year was kind of suckish.. many things happened.. misunderstandings, quarrels, cold war, hits, cuts, cries... it's really suckish! like you really want this person to just simply stfu for a moment cause they're so darn noisy.. like seriously.. this year was the FIRST time Evelyn and i actually quarrelled... during the last 5 years we've never quarrelled... and no, i will not list them down cause they are down right stupid! like.. really really stupid.. but I'm glad it's behind me.. like.. this is by far the worst year of my life.. there may be more to come.. but that's so far.. things started to brighten up a little towards the end of the year... things seemed more in place weeks before O levels... head is finally above water... as for my relationship.. it ended early April... we haven't talked since then.. messaging stopped, calls stopped, friendship ended... this showed me how fragile a friendship can be, especially when 2 people don't know each other well... well.. lesson learnt.. (: and now... i suppose i want till the end of November to myself... and after prom it's gonna be endless outings! 5 years just pass and go so quickly.. 1825 days.. that isn't a lot... but there will be more to come..

2009-11-14T08:50:00.005+08:00

imagine walking along this railway track, imagine you in the clothes of your ancestors, a stick in your hand with a bag at the end.. the thought of going away.... ..... going to a place where you can start anew, a whole new piece of paper to begin with.. you know, at times being alone is the best cure to a vexed heart and mind, when everything around you seems so wrong, being alone helps you think with a calm and cool mind, you're clearer and more aware.. although at other times you would rather talk to someone close..

~signs out~

2009-11-13T17:06:00.002+08:00

i was supposed to go to the dentist today.. but i woke up late.. darn... haha.. so daddy called the dental clinic to postpone my appointment to tomorrow.. (: yay. (:
so... i went to buy breakfast for my nanny and then headed down to lot 1 to meet jasmine and irena.. well.. the whole purpose was to return the slipper i borrowed from jasmine and to borrow some books regarding the meaning of road names in singapore.... (:
**gosh.. i forgot what i wanted to write.... >.<**
erm.................er................ gosh! urgh.. forget it...
hmm...... it's gonna be a long holiday.....
oh! i remember now!!!! (: borrowed those books to do my own research or just for my own gain of information... simply curious of the meaning of road names in singapore... for example, the ever so famous red hill.... it's cause of the blood of a prince or something.. right? i might be wrong.. but anyways... i wanna search up the meaning and then take a picture of the road and it's name based on my own interpretation... 5and a half months of hols is no joke when you have absolutely nothing to do.. anyone knows anyone who wants to hire a part time photographer? i wanna give it a shot... hopefully my portfolio can at least impress them to consider hiring me... was at a chalet bbq with my friends yesterday at aloha loyang.... ms sim asked if we were gonna do job hunting or not. so i told her i might wanna try to be a part time photographer.. so she asked me to try going to bridal studios and they might hire me to be an assistant... let's hope it works... well.. pat time photographer cause' of the freedom to express... last year i was in retails.. though i enjoyed doing sales.. i wanna try out something new... now that i have my portfolio, i can only hope that someone would hire me... (: tee hees... (: ohwell.. gonna go back to hitting my books... (: i seriously miss studying... one reason why i wanna find out the meanings... so that i can at least sit down at my desk and write a thing or two... (:

~sayonnara~

2009-11-11T07:48:00.004+08:00

cracked.. officially cracked yesterday.. broke down.. gosh.. well... held it back for a pretty long time... so yea... gosh! it's the last paper today! yay-ness! (: GCE O levels Science phy/chem MCQ. and i'm a free girl after 3pm today! woots! (: so many things planned out.. like seriously... tree top walk(s), orchard ion, ice skating, movie marathon, shopping, job hunting, photo taking, prom, graduation day! gosh... what am i to do? roller blading instructor or part time photographer.. honestly? i think my portfolio is in a total mess.. not impressive... or should i go back to world of sports? heh.. i dont know... nah... i doubt i'll go back to world of sports.. i'm looking for a job with flexible timings.. i need my social life you know.. haha! (: flexi.. hmm... my choices seem good... (: roller blading instructor..... photographer..... hmm... RBI, P, RBI, P......... gosh! both?! haha!! nonono... well.. alright, i gotta hit my books for the last time.. oh yes. can you imagine? the last time... the last time wearing school uniform to school for exams, last time in study mood.. blaghs.. gosh... ~sayonnara~

2009-11-10T14:34:00.005+08:00

i had a case of nostalgia earlier just now... chinese went... erm... rather okay, i guess.. last paper tomorrow... apparently i dont feel excited about it.. happy, yes, but i'm feeling rather contradicting in contrast to the occasion.. i really wish things would slow down... mm... today... i felt something... i dont know what its called though... i couldnt look at "you" in the eye.. hardly though.. i wanna smile at you but you just make it seem so difficult.. i wanna drop hints but i couldnt find a proper way to do so.. may be cause i'm still afraid.. may be i'm just too coward to come out of this shell of mine... but i can smile when i see you from a distance.. i simply dont see why... "abigail how are you doing this again?!" if only someone can tell me what to do...

2009-11-09T20:08:00.002+08:00

O level chinese tomorrow... all the best to those re-taking! go kill it!
it's 2 more paper and partyyyy here i come! woah! (:
just got three books from my cousin for me to read! yay.. (:
like so finally, i can sit bac, relax and be engrossed in a book i love! (:

~sayonnara~

2009-11-08T17:40:00.002+08:00

imagine yourself sitting up there, at the peak of that mountain.. it's as though you're able to see the entire world from up there. imagine sitting up there, you wouldnt have to care about anything in the world! free to yourself.. walking about the terrains. lying down on that barren piece of land and guess what?! you're sandwiched by clouds.. being able to touch them brought a whole new way of viewing life.. you see better, clearer and you know what you want.. cause' the moment you go back down you're in that maze again.. but having the vision in your mind you know the fastest and best way out.. okok. may be not the fastest. but definitely the best.. i can definitely imagine myself up there with my father, closest friends and relatives. i might even set up camp there and set up my own tribe. have a world of our own where all are family.. and family help each other out.. family look out for one another.. family don't judge, family don't exploit, family don't hate... but then again, who said you were family, you merely stay under the same roof as i do.. since when was i family to you? you never cared, yes, i use never.. it's merely your parenting instincts.. so i say.. i might set up my own tribe.. set up a family of my own, with my own set rules.. i'll love my children, i'm not you.. i don't use threats against them.. i don't condemn them, neither will i make them feel inferior.. you just count yourself lucky that i don't believe any of your crap. cause i have visions of my own... i wanna do well for O levels and get on to poly or even jc.. plus i thank God for the rest of my family members to back me up when you're in your wildest outfit of rage. i also thank God for friends who are willing to listen to my whining and their shoulders for me to lean on.. i've never leaned and never will lean on you.. it's a good thing you taught me to be independent.. it's coming into good use.. i give up.. i dont wanna help you anymore.. cause you think that you're above everyone else.. when you fall, dont call out to me or anyone else for help.. trust me, save your breath for explanations cause no one will come to your aid.. the fact that you treat everyone like shit! spreading rumors like nobody's business.. heh.. i'd love to break it to you that you spread it to the wrong group of people.. so there, i'm done ranting!

2009-11-08T01:41:00.004+08:00

let the pictures do the talking

2009-11-07T17:02:00.002+08:00

gonna go for campfire later today.. (: slacked the whole day today.. sigh..

ohyes! because O levels is coming to an end!!! i can finally get down to reading! there's just so many! Romeo and Juliet (again!) Heidi, Pollyanna, The Hunchback of Notredame and the History of Stonehenge. ohyes, i just cant get enough of it.. i can't believe i won't be studying history anymore.. gosh! but it's finally over!!! (:

alright, i shall blog again later or probably tomorrow.. (:

~sayonnara~

2009-11-06T22:22:00.002+08:00

I suddenly misses camp... gosh.. i miss all those times we stayed up to do patrol duty.. staying up for late night mcdonalds supper.. staying up just for the sake of staying up.. staying up with a bunch of crazy people.. i miss planning for games and such.. going on outtings and seeing the campers so happy.. the sense of satisfaction that you did a job well done.. oh! and not to forget the late night movies for the juniors while the seniors planned.. the savanger hunt, water games and bonding.. (: i kind of miss planning.. i kind of miss being with my friends in school late at night.. come to think of it i'm gonna leave school soon... O levels is coming to an end.. yes! i miss school.. cause of my friends of course.. (: all the staying back after school, the night studies and the intensive studies... let's hope they pay off.. gosh. i'm afraid.. hmm.. alright.. it's 'late' ... tee hees..
~sayonnara~

2009-11-06T08:29:00.002+08:00

good morning! (:
ohyes, do you see the lyrics column on the right hand side?
i'm gonna show you the rest of the lyrics.. (:
i just show you one verse and a chorus.. (:
here goes...

You took my breath away when you looked at me,
With my hands in yours I wasn't uneasy,
You kneeled down to see me eye to eye.
We connected for a moment, (priceless)
Silence filled our surroundings for a long long time,
Silence gone when you spoke to me.

"Hey" was the first word you said to me,
but I kept silent still hoping for my sanity,
knowing that it was just part of my fantasy.
Still day dreaming of you and me.

I thought I was in a dream,
when I heard you asking me.
I smiled and said "this can't be."
But you came forward to place a kiss,
and I answered : "I'll be on cloud nine after this."

XD i dont know if it's good or not.. as in, if you ask me.. of course it's good!! i wrote it.. haha.. (:
ohwell... gonna leave now for photo taking.. (:

~sayonnara~

2009-11-05T13:50:00.005+08:00

oh yes! O levels is finally coming to an end!! (:
happy happy happy!! (:
POA paper 1 and 2 today.. it went relatively well, considering the fact that i was freaking out before the paper started... >.<> hahaha! (: hmm... i might go photo taking tomorrow... i might... so you might wanna check out my photography blog tomorrow.. haha.. (: hmm.. the weather has been really really great.. so cooling.. (: i've been feeling happy today.. for some reason i've been feeling ecstatic today.. smiling to myself all day as though i'm in love or something... haha.. (: i've been thinking lately of this one thing i wanna do after O levels... i'm gonna find myself a spot and sit down with my camera by my side.. (: switch off my phone and just enjoy the breeze.. i've been wanting to go away for half a day... away from everyone and everything... i just wanna be alone.. no.. being alone in my room is an entirely different thing... i wanna stay at this place for an entire afternoon.. morning if possible though.. to be at this place to simply enjoy the breeze... to watch the clouds go by and the time pass like nobody's business.. gosh... argh....... ............. *relaxed*
alright.. i'm gonna continue slacking..

2009-10-30T07:31:00.004+08:00

when a picture speaks a thousand words.. when a single word means more than a manuscript of love poems.. so what does this tell you? an empty glass.. what's about to fill inside? whose hand does that belong to? who was the photographer? what's the purpose? questions raised.. people intrigued by the mysterious meaning behind this 'empty glass' ... so? someone with an empty life, waiting for the destined one to fill them up.. at times it seems as though they're waiting for rain in a drought, at times they see an oasis in the desert, which is only an illusion.. it's just another love story isn't it? girl falls for boy, boy falls for girl, girl and boy gets together, boy and girl goes through 'obstacles' ... love grows srtonger... ... and when this is over another one starts again.. before you can even reminisce again... then you think... what's right? to fall or not to fall.. but you think that you like this person cause of this 'certain feeling' you feel inside you.. time passes and you find out that you aren't even sure if you're really in love or not.. head over heels crazy in love? think again.. hoping to find that same feeling again... hoping that this would last happily ever after if it all works out.. IF it all works out? uh huh... how are you gonna work it out when you say that you're two different persons at the same time? how are you gonna work it out when you only feel head over heels crazy in love when you're texting this person? and you only feel head over heels crazy in love once in a while while you're with this person.. guessing 50% of the time whether or not this is happening or not... guessing whether you're right this time or not..

2009-10-28T20:36:00.003+08:00

it's suddenly out of focus and then in focus... i don't know where i stand anymore... i want to.... but... ... should i or should i not... what will i get myself into this time if i try once more? deluding myself for so long..

giving myself endless excuses to simply put an end to this nonsense.. but no... ... it went on... unable to just let it pass me by... thinking that i could turn a blind eye to it.. treating it as through it was something of the norm.. soon finding myself unable to anymore... my thought has weaken.. giving in to what i think i should be getting myself into.. thinking "may be this would be the last?" ... naive isn't it? but how long more can i decieve myself that all these are not true... it's happening... growing stronger every second... even now... i dont need to go through another round of whatever that is..

---------------------------------------

sigh... O lvls has been alright... (:

boy am i glad that i've gotten over and done with with maths! (: happy happy happy..

yay yay yay!!

camp followed by prom! (:

haha.. (: alright.. i gotta get back to slacking before doing intensive studies tomorrow.. (:

2009-10-18T19:07:00.006+08:00

Marcus lets see whos the angel and devil now.. (:

mua hahaha!!!!!

7 photos of me on your blog! (:

you liar, you said you only took one pic of me....

now you DIE!!!! mua hahaha!!

since i'm at it.. i might as well upload more pics.. (:

2009-10-18T12:37:00.003+08:00

mua hahaha!!!!!!! (:

cya during the next gathering.. (:

2009-08-18T04:51:00.004+08:00

sometimes you feel as though you know something for a long time, and you judge it, condemn it and even wrong it. unknowingly wrong, but you think you're right anyway.. you treat it like a thing there for you to place your criticism at, thinking it doesn't have feelings like you or me, [rephrase] thinking it doesn't have feelings like me and others, not you, cause' i doubt you give two hoots anyway.. you think that the people are the people you think are people and the others are insignificant. well, an insignificant figure such as yourself should really just shut the hell up..

what makes you think that all your judgements are right? what makes you think that your constructive criticism are appreciated? cause' those whom you do it to ain't people to you anymore. you think that the only people are the people you think are people.. open your eyes, better yet, open your heart, not for me, i don't need such 'Charity' .. open your heart to those who are people, those people with feelings like me and the others.. i don't understand why you like, in fact enjoy making people feel inferior when they're normal, unlike you. and yet, all i did was watch by the sidelines.. i tried to do something about it, but it's not as though you cared anyways.. i know of the things that you denied, afraid of being exposed.. i know of who started the ending of something once beautiful.. it all points right back at you.. how many people do you want? that they have to end up tolerating all this shit you've been up to! i know them, i know you, and how i wished i didnt have to know you.. let's just say, i'd rather we be acquaintance than 'friends' for that matter. you and your passé can have your own fun without the extend of being a pest to others..

***********

YOU'RE MY BLESSING!!!!!!!! (:

p/s: just like junk, you're a piece of shit and i'm a piece of junk! haha!! right evelyn? (:

2009-08-16T20:18:00.004+08:00

i can finally say "finally"

finally broke off from all those stress.. (:

gosh... these few days has been alright.. (:

let the picture do the talking.. (:

That is Munyee being crazy!

"eh! robot at a party!!! whoa! "

overall, there's really nothing to talk about...

2009-08-14T19:48:00.003+08:00

if the black slipper belongs to me, who does the other belong to? That pair of clogs seem familiar, as through i've seen it in my dreams. But in my dreams that pair of clogs belonged to you, if i open the door who would i see sitting there waiting for me?

**********

gosh.. today was rough!

went to school, which was totally boring! Initially decided not to go to temasek cause' i wanted to have my lump checked, but as soon as i reached the polyclinic i was told that it was compulsory.. so i left for temasek.. well.. we missed the impt parts.. so yea... i bet Ms Lee is gonna be really angry..

~sayonnara~

p/s: seemed like a dream to me

2009-08-13T19:36:00.004+08:00

currently feeling moody...
no mood to blog..
anyways... all the best to those collecting their O level MT results on the 19th! (:

~sayonnra~
p/s: live like you were gonna die tomorrow, learn like there'll always be a tomorrow (:

2009-08-12T20:53:00.002+08:00

gosh.. it would be so nice if i could get away from here..
stress is getting on again.. >.<
currently no destressing method cause' computer's sound not fixed yet!!!
i wanna watch my comedy series!!! rar!!
i feel crazy-lethagic today...
i think i'm gonna break down soon... i'll fall flat and not move for days.. >.<
but i cant afford to do that now...
whoa.. >.<>.<
i need... desperately need a destressing technique!!!!
gosh..

2009-08-11T21:15:00.003+08:00

whoa!!!! finally home... gosh..
10 days to prelims.. >.<
today? well... it was...................... okay la.. (:
i've got a feeling a rumour is coming up soon... sigh.. but then again, no rumours no drama rama..
haha!!! (: nah, fine with that...
ohyes!! ALL THE BEST FOR PRELIMS PEOPLE!!!!! (:
ohyes, another thing, i would like to apologise for the false alarm..
yala.. O lvl MT paper results wasn't released today...
~sayonnara~
p/s: currently no mood.. my mood is all focused on typing elsewhere! (:

2009-08-10T18:54:00.002+08:00

certain things cant be replaced..
but what's lost, lost, irretrievable.
may be apologies don't work this way..
may be things are meant as it is now..
at times when you think that trying might just do the trick, you're very well wrong.
that was what i thought..
i thought i could just leave it there for a moment,
i didnt expect a split second to take it away.
you know, sometimes you wanna let your imagination run as wild as possible, but you're afraid that it might take away your sense of reality, well.. just let it run..
like the wild horse in the wild wild west!
let it run like the wind..
back to the main topic..
apologies? i don't know what else to say..
it's said and done.. but can't it be changed?
the amount of time and effort can be seen through this picture, the sincerity is there, i'm sure..
acceptance?